One Step Closer

My wedding day is a day that often replays in my head. The dress, the flowers, my best friends, my mother, my husband, my daughter and her huge tutu waddling around, the beautiful makeup that I will never have again (because no matter how many tutorials I watch let's face it, I cannot do professional looking makeup myself! Ha.) It's all so joyous and wonderful to think about all over again. The days leading up to my wedding were agonizing, exhausting but exciting and I don't think I have had that feeling since awaiting my daughters arrival. That feeling is something I miss... Something that is so gut-wrenching because your insides are screaming with excitement for the big day, and your hands are jittery when you're getting your nails done because you're going to have a wedding ring on them in a few days... those feelings of excitement are amazing. 

The feelings are unlike any other. It's a memory now, a wonderful, beautiful memory that just seems like yesterday to me. When a memory appears again it comes in the form of a smell, a song, the sight of something beautiful... Like this - The Smell of a Memory from when I was a child, remembering my Grandmother just by smelling her old makeup caboodle that's in L's bedroom now. I felt that this morning again, that same gut-wrenching feeling of love and joy as I heard a song on Pandora radio. 

It took me back to my wedding day and the nerve-chilling moments before I walked down the aisle to my handsome man. The music started to play, I looked at my mom and she smiled as she was crying already... I was trying so hard to hold back the tears for fear of messing up my makeup but once I saw my mother I let it all pour out. I hear the acoustics of my favorite song that fit so perfectly on that day and every day with him. The song began to slowly play and I walked to meet my mom in the middle of the aisle. All I see is this... My heart melted at the sight of that smile. I was in heaven and I wanted to run down that aisle.

Heart beats fast

Colors and promises

How to be brave?

How can I love when I'm afraid to fall?

But watching you stand alone,

All of my doubt suddenly goes away somehow.

One step closer....

I have died every day waiting for you

Darling, don't be afraid I have loved you

For a thousand years

I'll love you for a thousand more

Time stands still

Beauty in all she is

I will be brave

I will not let anything take away

What's standing in front of me

Every breath

Every hour has come to this

One step closer.....

I have died every day waiting for you

Darling, don't be afraid I have loved you

For a thousand years

I'll love you for a thousand more.

And all along I believed I would find you

Time has brought your heart to me

I have loved you for a thousand years

I'll love you for a thousand more

My mom kept me grounded, and standing as a matter of fact. She grabbed my hand and squeezed me tight reassuring me that she's always there to hold my hand and guide me. My mom, the woman who helped me every day, guided me through good and bad, and held my hand my entire life is now walking me down the aisle to my future husband. In that moment life was perfect in that every way. The minute, maybe less, that it took me and my mom to walk down the aisle felt like a lifetime. All of these memories, love, and happiness took over me. I felt my knees weakening. I was in love, I was in awe, and I was so happy to be marrying the man standing in front of me and to have my mom standing beside me guiding me one step closer to my man.

This song brought back all of those happy moments for me this morning, I instantly grabbed my Mac and started writing not knowing where it would lead but I guess it's led me here. I have been non-stop typing from the moment I began, tears in my eyes from reliving the moments, and love... so much love. It's great to just stop everything, turn the music up and relive the memories once in a while. It definitely makes me feel one step closer to my memories... the love and happiness I felt that day and every day since.

XO, K.

I Need Her, too.

You know, I read this blog early this morning while I was drinking my coffee and cried a little at the reality of it. The day is half over and I find myself deeply pondering the thought of what the blog was about and how true it is for many moms out there, especially ME! You can read the Blog too  - Here

(Grab the kleenex first!)

The truth is... Of course our children need us. But. Maybe... Just maybe... we need them MORE. 

Days like today my anxiety has been high & I haven't stopped running circles around my house, the two L's, my in-laws and my hubs. Not to mention, we currently have not one but two major house projects going on right now! So, while I am frantically trying to get things done I am also trying not to step in wet paint, or dog pee that I must have missed while I was running around, try not letting the dog eat the wet paint brushes in the pan, answer every "Why" my daughter asks annnnnnd focus on my projects. Yeah, right. It wasn't possible  without an Ativan. (Sigh). So when it was time for L to lay down for a nap we tried Nani, even Dad tried... Nope, she wanted Mommy. She screamed and cried for a few minutes with Dad until I set down the paint brush and ran to the rescue. Sure, I was frustrated as I looked at her bright red face and listened to her screaming & whining but I gave Dad the OK to leave and I laid with her. She immediately grabbed my face and snuggled into me. She was yawning while she said "Mama I love you so many peices!". I cuddled her tight and said I love you so many peices too buggie. I realized what the blog is preaching to moms everywhere is that they need us... To cuddle and love them even when the world is crazy around ha. But, even just as important... We need them. I took a deep breath, closed my eyes and for about 15 minutes while she fell fast asleep I let the world go while still holding it in my arms. 

& it felt truly amazing.


XO, K.

DIY Coffee Table/Bench Upholstering Project

Well this morning while I was drinking my morning coffee I was doing what I do best... browsing Pinterest. I came across a popular pin about upholstering furniture and of course my mind ran wild thinking of all the things in my house I could repurpose. We recently fixed our ottoman that matches our couch and put it back in the living room so our coffee table was moved to the basement. The lightbulb went off and an hour later I was off to JoAnn's to get some supplies! Thanks to this blog I found on Pinterest I learned about this DIY project and it was so simple to do. Her envelope folding process for the corners is genius and so easy - even for a beginner like me! Check her blog out -- Pink Toes and Power Tools.Here's my DIY coffee table / bench project tutorial!  1. Choose a fabric! The fabric I chose was a thick canvas in the Home Decor section at JoAnn Fabrics nearby. It was recommended that I choose a fabric that was thicker to withstand the use this bench will see over time - JoAnn's had it for $9.99/yard and I had a coupon for 50% off! 2. I took the top of the table off and measured my foam to place on top. 

3. I laid out all of my supplies I would need, most of which I already had lying around the house: fabric, batting (bought at JoAnn's for under $5.00 on SALE, foam, scissors (for cutting the fabric), staple gun (to attach fabric to table top), hot glue gun (for attaching the foam to the table top), screwdriver and plyers (for attaching the table top to the legs).

4. I laid the foam on top of the table and cut the excess off that I didn't need. I then used a hot glue gun to attach the foam matting to the top of the table. 

5. I laid the batting on top of the table to measure and cut the excess off before stapling it down. I bought crib sheet size pre-cut batting in a bag at JoAnn's, originally priced $7.99 and I got it for under $5.00 with the sale and coupon I found on their website. I measured 5" or so to leave on the sides to fold over and have enough room to staple. 

6. After the batting was tightened and stapled down I measured the fabric leaving about 5" on each side to ensure enough room to fold over and staple. This was the most tedious part because I had to pull it really tight. 

7. After the fabric was stapled down I laid it out to ensure all sides were done and stapled tight and then matched it up to the legs. I had to use my scissors again to punch the holes through the fabric where the screws needed to go. I fastened the screws and voila - a bench was made! 

& it's done! I am definitely not a pro at this upholstering thing but I have to say I am very pleased with how this turned out! I can't wait to add a shelf and hooks above the bench to turn this entry way into our mud room!

XO, K.

My 2015 So Far...

Well my New Year has started off great even with the severe PMS that's lasted for a week, crappy, bitter cold weather & snow, the fact I have to clean and organize my house for parties this month and maintain sanity and patience while chasing a two year old and 4 month old puppy around the house. It's been a challenge, that's for sure but yesterday in Church I sat there enthralled with the Pastor as I listened to him discussing our New Years Resolutions and how many of us, if not all, won't complete the long list of learning a new skill, reading a new book, working out everyday, etc. and as much as we think it's important to complete our yearly bucket lists, it's not as important as we may think. As I listened, I learned and I realized that I need to just take a step back, take a deep breath and let God in more. This New Year I followed the trend of all other American people and made a New Years Resolution "bucket list" but now I am realizing that the only New Years Resolution that matters is giving more of myself to God, our marriage and our daughter! 

Last night I was laying with L putting her to bed when she looked at me, grabbed my face and said, "Mama, hold me..." so I wrapped my arm around her, ran my fingers through her curly blonde hair and kissed her warm, soft cheeks and said "I love you, buggie". She looked at me and said, 'I lub you so beary much mama". In that moment, a tear ran down my cheek as I squeezed her harder and tighter to my body and kissed her cheeks so hard. This right here, I thought to myself, is all that matters. Instead of sitting on my Facebook reading about the stupid complaints about NFL refs, or watching the newest meaningless drama show on TV, in that moment I was doing the most important thing in the world. She teaches me to have more patience, more love and more laughter every single day. 

Maybe losing my job was a blessing in disguise... In the two short months that I have been unemployed I have learned so much about my daughter that I never had the time to pay attention to before. When your child goes to daycare 7am-5pm, Monday - Friday it's hard to set aside making dinner, cleaning up from dinner, getting L bathed, her jam's on and ready for bedtime aside to play, learn and laugh like time doesn't exist. Now we have all morning to cuddle in our jam's, watch an episode or two of Daniel Tiger and learn about sharing and playing nicely, then play basketball in her playroom or make play-doh snowmen at the kitchen table, eat lunch together, cuddle again for nap time and then play all over again until daddy gets home from work. I couldn't imagine doing anything else! 

I truly believe that going to church every weekend is helping me. It's helping me with my patience, my kindness, my love for my family and love for God. It's helped my marriage and helping me have more patience, especially since I am stuck at home 24/7. In church we are learning about letting God in, making Jesus more present in our lives and sharing Him in our marriage. We have been reading more of the Bible at home with our awesome new App of YouVersion and believing that IT is the ONLY word of God. My hubs and I sat in bed last night and talked about the different readings the App has about marriage and the journey of marriage. Letting Jesus be present in our marriage can only make it stronger because no one can come between the bond that He creates. It seems silly that we didn't realize this before... but I am so thankful that we are diving right into it now. We are so grateful for this church and the fact that they have a program for L to enjoy while we attend Mass. 

This year seems to be very promising for us. Of course I still want to lose weight, eat healthier, use FaceBook, IG and Pinterest less throughout my days at home with L, and still get projects around my house done but, I am focused on giving 100% to my family, my marriage and our faith. This year it's my goal to read the Bible in its entirety with my husband (and understand it!) and help L understand the Bible more too. I am really excited to live my life through God and live it happier & healthier this year! 

Happy 2015 - xo.

It's a New Year!

Well, 2015 is finally here and I can't believe it. Hubby and I celebrated 4 years since we started dating this NYE! We went to a fancy dinner, had some drinks, dancing and then crashed when we got home and woke up feeling way better than we did last year - NO hangover! Thank God! We had a great night out but we were so thankful to spend all of New Years Day together with our little munchkin wearing our pajama's and watching movies while snuggling on the couch with the pup. I am so grateful for moments like that!

I looked back on my posts from last year and I found the blog for my 2014 resolutions. -- MY RESOLUTIONS FOR 2014 (2014 Blog ) -- It's nice to look back and realize what I did (or didn't) do. I actually did start a diet this year which was on my list, and I am on track to being lighter, and healthier. And no, we did not get pregnant in 2014 and we don't really plan on it anytime soon! I can honestly say that my 2014 was a roller coaster, and one big mess of a year between being newlyweds, parents of a two year old going through terrible-two's and new homeowners things can get messy. Many, Many, MANY good things happened in our year as a newly married couple. We enjoyed our Honeymoon in Mexico, we purchased our very first home which we LOVE, we celebrated Lennon's 2nd Birthday and adopted our first puppy! We began going to Church regularly and getting more in touch with God, we are so blessed to have an amazing Church to attend that Lennon loves too! So many good, positive changes had happened but also some pretty bad things. I lost my job, lost friends (some intentionally and some not so much). We were and still kind of are REALLY, REALLY stressed out dealing with all of the things that adults have to deal with. In 2014 I dealt with many health ups and downs, had a major surgery and battled problems with my anxiety, manic depression and rapid weight gain. It's been... a roller coaster. We finally made it through it but we still have a long way to go to be where we want to be. Let's hope that 2015 has many more sunny days, healthier days and hope that a brighter future lies ahead. 

In 2015 I will...

• Spend more time with my family and less time online; Facebook, IG, Pinterest, blogging, etc. (When your two year old says, "Mom put your phone away!" it's a huge reality check that she wants your attention. Therefore, don't be alarmed when my phone is on DND all day instead of responding to your calls & texts... I'm probably playing play-doh or baking a plastic chicken in her toy kitchen... be jealous!)
• Eat healthier, non-processed, more organic foods and pay attention to what I am putting in my body & my families.
• Watch Finding Nemo three times in a row when my little one wants to and not complain.
• Listen more... to my daughters long stories about nothing instead of being on the phone, to my husband when he wants to chat all the time, and to myself when it's time to take a deep breath and relax instead of getting worked up over little things.
• Work on organizing our house, simplifying it & making it HOME one paint color & funky lamp shade at a time.
• Grow my hair out, keep it naturally colored and make it healthier! I want my natural & long hair back!
• Paint my bedroom or at least one wall in it!
• Create a functional, useable space in my back family room area. It's driving me nuts that it's a non functioning space filled with a dog crate, dog food & a plain bookshelf! 
• Find a good paying, long term job that I love or find a different way to work from home or continue to be a stay-at-home mama. Either way, I am happy! Secretly, let's just hope hubs finds a better job so I can stay home!! :)
• Continue building a stronger relationship with my faith, continue going to church, read the Bible and have L dedicated in the church we belong to now.
• Read a new book
• Write more, a lot more in L's journal I started when she was born.

This year I am promising to myself that I will stick to this diet plan to becoming a healthier person. I have lost 6LBS so far and I am determined to lose 44 MORE! I am determined to get to a point in my life where I am happy & healthy at the same time. It seems like that isn't hard to do but for me it's been my biggest struggle this past year. I need to find myself at a point where I am comfortable in my skin and my life and that means focusing on ME this year, my marriage and our family. 

I am glad that I have realized the root of my problems this past year. I am happy that I am on the road to success with myself, my personal life and my family life. I am balanced, mentally clear, and emotionally stable right now... and that, my friends is a blessing! I am thankful for God being present in my life again and I truly believe that He has led me to find more happiness than ever before. I have come to the realization that my problems aren't something that everyone understands. I have come to the realization that not everyone will accept your problems, help you or believe you for that matter but the ones that matter most are the ones that support me and I am so thankful for that. I am so thankful for building lasting friendships this year with the ones that mean the most to me, cutting out the ones that don't and weeding out the trash in my life.... literally! 

2015 will be a better year, I promise myself that, my husband that, and our daughter that! 2015 will ROCK and be AMAZING and I can't wait for what lies ahead. 

My Happy 362 Days

It's been 362 days since I married my husband.

Those 362 days have been like taking a class in college.

Some days are great and some days are easy, and then some days you have a lot of work to do. But, after you work it out, solve the problems and talk about it everything turns out just fine and you move on. As in any marriage, we have our faults, we have our ups and downs but most of all, we have each other and we have love so we have everything we need. Oh, and we have Lennon, of course, and a new puppy, Luke!

Since we got married we have taken vacations together, traveled out of the country for our amazing honeymoon in Mexico, we have experiences loss of friendships, gained friends, grown up - A LOT, and become better, more mature adults, lovers and parents. We have learned. Life is all about growing up, learning and making yourself better, making the world around you better and I think we are doing a great job of that, or at least we are off to a great start.

I have learned a lot about myself this past year.

I have realized that I need to count on my husband before counting on my family and friends because my husband is here, they aren't and not always will be around. I need to turn to him instead of calling home, because him, and Lennon, and our house, is my home. It's been an adjustment, like any major event in life. But, I didn't realize marriage was going to be an adjustment like this. We do everything together, in one unity. We eat, sleep, shower, watch TV, do homework, laugh, cry, scream and yell, drive, yell at stupid drivers, shop, cuddle and play... together. It's fun, it's exhausting and it's amazing all in one. That's the beauty of life being married. It's together - all the time - forever. I have learned to not sweat the small things. A husband learns with time... and a wife doesn't read minds. That being said, a husband is not going to know where you want your clothes, where the dishes are that you packed away in the new house, and a wife certainly cannot read minds to know when a husband has to poop instead of watching the kid and puppy. (Seriously!) I think that we both have different love languages, but we have both learned how to love in a different language as well. We both have great qualities and need a little bit of each love language in our lives and we are definitely getting better at communicating that. Marriage is a work in progress... It's easy to wake up, love each other, go to bed every night. It's the in-betweens that get hard and that you have to work through but if I have learned one thing in the last almost-year of marriage it's, never give up and keep fighting because in the end LOVE is the best thing in the world and I LOVE my husband today, tomorrow, and forever.

It's crazy how much can change in one year. We bought a house & got a puppy, and we are loving every minute of it.

The moment I saw his face at the end of the aisle I was filled with an overwhelming, jittery, butterfly love feeling that I got when he kissed me for the FIRST time. I knew I was going to marry him in 5 minutes and I couldn't wait!

The moment we were announced husband and wife was surreal. All I could do was stare at him and wait for that kiss, hoping that feeling would be the same overwhelming, jittery, butterfly love feeling! And you can tell, it was and so much more. It was the best kiss ever.

And again... We were just so happy and that feeling was so amazing we wanted it to last all day. Little did we realize that every time we would kiss for the next 300-something days it would be that same overwhelming, jittery, butterfly love feeling and it hasn't gone away. Here's to many more years of amazing kisses.  

I love my life, my husband and I cannot wait for the next 362 million years of our marriage!

Off to celebrate our marriage!

Xoxo

Be Grateful.

These last few weeks that I have been home have been a learning experience to say the LEAST. 

Being at home 24/7 can definitely feel smothering and get boring at times. That's when I turn to Pinterest for craft ideas, games, preschool prep activities, etc. I have a headache that starts every day, usually just before NAP time. Hopefully I will get used to this chaos soon. Even though it's chaotic, crazy, messy and lonely from not being around adults anymore, I am so grateful. I  do love seeing my daughter grow, learn and play on a daily basis while staying in our comfy clothes ALLLLL DAYYYY LONG. Luke loves it too and I couldn't imagine keeping him locked up all day without anyone to play with. 

I am grateful for my husband that works so many long hours to help out and I am definitely grateful when he finally gets home at night so we can actually have an adult chat and relax! It's so hard on us being on one income right now but we are doing our best. I am (and always have been) hands down a supporter of moms being the ones raising their children. I just don't know how, in todays economy they do it. I have always been the working mom and now, I stay home. It's a huge change on our lives! I hope, wish and pray something changes that allows me to stay home daily forever but... it doesn't look promising. So, I am cherishing every moment of being home with Lennon and Luke. (Seriously, it's too bad that we named our puppy Luke because that's such a cute name for a second child and goes great with the name Lennon!) Anyway, does anyone know of any AMAZING paying jobs that my hubs can have like right this second? :) 

I am grateful for my BIFF (& her daughter that Lennon adores and doesn't ever stop talking about!) for many, many, MANY reasons but for two really important ones right about now. 1. She is amazing at making a house a home and this past Holiday week she came to see my new home, gave me some great tips and now my bedroom and L's playroom look amazing. Her Feng Shui tips ROCKED. Who knew a bed should always be across from the opening of the door? Not I. But, now that my room is rearranged and we could FaceTime to arrange the rest of my room, my room looks great and I can't wait to hang pictures once I make up my mind on what to do! 2. She recommended Coconut Oil and I have to say, I don't know how I lived without it for my entire life. This stuff ROCKS! I found this Blog on Pinterest for more AWESOME ways to use Coconut Oil. Check it out -- 50 Uses for Coconut Oil. 3. She gave me the ideas for my signs that are starting to sell great. I just love my BIFF. Thanks for being awesome, mama!

I am definitely grateful for nap time (when and if it happens... TODAY it didn't!) or "down time". Right now, Lennon is hyper, inconsolable  when she cries and will whine about EVERY little thing if she doesn't get her way. I am literally taking deep breaths to not lose it at the moment. I am so thankful that L is relaxing with me and Luke is asleep on my lap while I am typing this. I need my husband to have a 9-5. That would be perfect.

I went to Target with L today and got some little stocking stuffers for her and Luke. Luckily she got to pick out her favorite things like a new Munchkin brand sippy cup with a STRAW - WOOT!, big girl undies (for when I start Potty Training) and a new E.O.S - pink of course and then I got her some things she didn't see that I just know she will LOVE! When we were shopping of course, Lennon was sitting in the cart and not paying much attention to me telling her to behave, keep her limbs and head IN the cart, and stay facing me... so all of a sudden this OLD lady says to me, "Ma'am she's licking the cart and that's gross and germ infested". I snapped! First of all, I know that's the wrong way to react, I get it... but come on. I was a. in a hurry b. frustrated with L already c. in a freakin' hurry and d. I DONT NEED TO BE TOLD BY YOU WHAT MY KID IS DOING AND HOW GROSS IT IS. So, the first thing out of my frustrated little mouth was, "Mind your own business!" and kept walking. Bad karma may be headed my way but hey, like I don't already have bad juju... what's a little more? 

I am going to start Potty Training soon since I am home with Lennon all day. Any recommendations are welcome. I have heard sooooooooooo many good and bad and in between stories, rules, myths, things peoples Grandma's swear by, etc. So if you have something that has actually worked for YOU and your little one, let me know!!! :)

At the end of the crazy, chaotic, messy, no nap day... I am feeling tired, exhausted and seriously ready to throw in the towel on dishes and laundry (no pun intended...) but I am looking at my pup on the couch sleeping, Lennon resting her head on my leg and holding her blankey, and I am watching Daniel Tiger's Neighborhood and singing the silly songs with L. I am full with a belly full of nachos - that were amazing, and my house is warm and snuggly. At the end of it all, I am grateful for what I have and who I share it with... even if some crazy old lady things my kid is gross and germ infested!

<3 XO