& it begins...

I am 21 years old, turning 22 this summer and at a point in my life where I thought I would be partying every weekend, and "living the dream" of every "just became legal" 21 year old. In reality, I am at a point in my life where there is no turning back, no spur of the moment adventures, and no more all nighters. I'm 23 weeks pregnant, single, and back to living with my parents. The fun, spontaneous life I lived on the edge of is now a thing of the past, a memory that I am finding myself covering up, and deleting pictures from, to mom-ify it.

I thought I had everything I wanted; a wonderful boyfriend, a new apartment with him in Alexandria, Virginia and thankfully, friends that stuck by my side through everything! Truth is, I didn't have it all. I was living the life I thought I wanted, the life that most people my age had and cherished, loved and were devoted to. Sadly, I wasn't one of those strong people I had imagined and hoped for myself to be. I wasn't ready for the "big city". I was weak, extremely weak and that undoubtedly showed when I moved home after being in Virginia for a short 2 months. Back to good ole' Saginaw, Michigan I went, back to being single, and having roommates... my parents.

I became "that girl". The one that everyone stares at when walking through the mall to see if she's wearing a ring on her left hand. The one that everyone talks about, gossiping about the baby's father, and where he is, or more importantly, who he is. I was ashamed, I was hurt, and I was alone. The thought crossed my mind, God forgive me, that this may not be the right choice for me. I was thinking; this baby won't have a mother and a father there everyday, this baby won't be loved as much as other babies, this baby won't know what it's like to have a real family, a normal family that every child dreams of. It took weeks for me to find my strength and realize that this baby is a blessing. My little blessing, my bundle of joy. No matter where life takes me and no matter how many curve balls are thrown at me I can do this. I have to be strong, and independant, and most of all I have to love this baby for 2, not just 1. I have to be the mother, and the father 24/7. It was a slap in the face when reality set in, when I felt baby kicking and realized that this isn't just a figment of my imagination, no, it's not an alien, and it surely is a real baby... it is my baby and as that warm feeling came over me I realized... I am happier than ever.

"You don't realize how strong you are until being strong is the only option you have"

I'm having a girl! Am I scared? Terrified... I am overjoyed, and scared all at the same time. I can't even begin to think of how I will raise my own daughter. It will be a challenge if she's anything like me, that's for sure! The most heart-warming feeling is knowing this baby girl has an amazing family. I don't know where I would be, or more importantly who I would be without my family. Most importantly, my rock and my best friend; my mother. Sure, it's unsettling news to hear your 21 year old daughter is single, broke, and pregnant when you're not even 40 and pregnant yourself... but, I give her credit. My mom has been the most supportive, loving, and caring person through out this entire journey. So, thanks mom!

I cannot wait to get into a routine of writing, blogging, whatever this is... I am excited to share my thoughts, good and bad with family and friends. This journey isn't going to be an easy one but it would surely be a lot harder without the support of my loved ones.

All I know, is I am truly blessed.