My Journey

My New and [hopefully] Exciting Journey to a HEALTHIER and HAPPIER me! 

This year I've been going through a lot of ups and downs... Emotionally, mentally, and physically. I have had the worst "downs" and the highest "ups" and really haven't found a good middle ground. My emotions have been out of whack, mentally I wasn't healthy and my physical appearance is at the worst it's ever been in my entire life! Depression and anxiety got the worst of me this past year and I finally decided to take control and change my life to become a healthier and happier me. Thankfully, with the amazing support of my best friend, my husband, family and of course Doc I am on the road to happiness and a (mentally... not drugs!) non-toxic life. I've decided that it's definitely time for some big changes for myself and my way of living that I couldn't do without the ongoing support that I have. I decided that I am going to log my journey to keep myself motivated and strictly focused on why I am doing this. It's going to be hard... let's face it; weight loss and healthy living is never easy. McDonald's and BK were like a staple in my weekly diet. But, I need to be a healthy mom, good looking, happy & healthy-minded wife, and not an emotional wreck all the time (ha!). In the past couple of years I was the girl that would eat whatever I wanted when ever I wanted, work out almost never (but I loved the idea of it...) and I thought I wouldn't gain weight because I never did before (Thanks Metabolism, you suck). Little did I know I was gaining ALOT and now I am nearly 50 lbs heavier than I was 2 years ago when I had Lennon. (That is NOT an understatement). I wasn't aware of what I was doing, how my depression was hurting me and how coping with my anxiety and depression through snacking and eating out was truly damaging me. So, my hopes for this journal is to inspire someone in my shoes and to help someone who needs the help realizing they're not alone and they can do this too. I will post pictures when I get to it, it's a little embarrassing for me to stand half naked in front of a mirror and blog it.. but I want to see the results and I know it will inspire someone in the end. This is MY blog, MY life and MY true feelings so please don't take offense, don't judge, don't complain and don't feel sorry ... just realize this is the true me and the true troubles many people face but don't write about. This will help me and hopefully many others. 

So here it is... 

Week 1

I've began my journey. It's finally almost one week in and I feel okay so far. First things first, Doc has put me on meds to balance my diet and help my body not absorb too much fat along with my anxiety meds that Doc put me on about one month ago. I'm on a strict (but maintainable and healthy) diet. I can eat normal healthy foods as long as my meals are well balanced and not over 15g of fat each or over 45g of fat daily! I take a pill in the AM and the PM with food. The side effects are NOT as bad as reviews state (at least I don't have the bad side effects yet anyway!) haha! Here is some information on the prescription that I am taking - Click Here. It's very important to take this medication with a healthy and well balanced diet. I use My Fitness Pal app on my iPhone to help me track calories, fats and make sure I don't go over. It's really opened my eyes to how much fats are in foods I eat on a daily basis and has really helped with portion control. I am so much more aware of what I can and cannot eat, how much I can eat and what not to eat so I don't go over my caloric intake for the day. 

Example of my daily meals

Breakfast

Oatmeal made w/ almond milk - add a banana and fruit (strawberries or raspberries)

Cup of coffee with only a tbs. of creamer (no sugar) 

Or 

Greek Yogurt and 1 cup of fruit 

Water... Lots of water! (This is the key... as my BIFF told me... I need to drink 100 ounces of water a day). It's been hard to drink that much when I am busy running around at work but I throw a lemon in there to make it much more tasty and it's very refreshing!

Snack

Handful of almonds or 1 serving size of baked pretzel chips

1 stick of low fat cheese

Lunch 

Turkey wrap (only lettuce and turkey) if I can have the fat, I'll put a tsp. of ranch on it! (but no more than that because there's so much crap in ranch).

Veggies - I cut up some peppers (red, green or yellow) and I'll have it with hummus or hummus and baked pita chips - so yummy and if I stick to the serving size on the package it's less than 5g of fat for a quick snack!

Dinner

Usually whatever is here... I've really just been counting calories and fats to make sure I don't go over and ALWAYS including fruits or veggies with it. Last night we made steak and potatoes on the grill. Little did I realize an 8oz. NY Strip steak has over 20g of fat. So, I had half of my steak, half of a grilled red potato with spray butter (hello 0g of fat!!) and some peppers. I also had a couple of beers (Dos Equis) but that was all added into My Fitness Pal and I only went about 27 calories over my caloric intake for the day. I am still getting use to this whole diet thing, give me a break. 

I'm also taking an anxiety medication, Paxil. I am happy with the results of it so far and I've been taking it for over one month now! I am much happier during the daytime and I don't have any anxiety attacks or fast heart rate randomly. I do get very tired during the day so Doc reduced my dosage to 12.5mg instead of 25mg a day, although I don't see much difference as I am still so tired all the time. I haven't started working out much other than crunches, sit-ups, leg workouts and running with Lennons jogging stroller a few times a week. It feels great when I do it but I haven't established a good routine to go on during the week with my work schedule crazy like it is. Next week my goal is to work out every day and establish a good routine... I know I can do it, I just have to get my lazy ass out of bed and get to it. I will do this, you'll see. :) Well, that's week 1. Happy Following! 

Week 2
Hello Day 1 Week 2, you SUCK! I am absolutely miserable today! Last night Hubs and I stayed up to "snack prep" for the week to make our lives 10x easier. It was so easy, not very time consuming and we realized how this will make our lives easier through the weeks by grabbing a bag of snacks for our lunches during the day and we will be all set. I made bags of peppers and celery of about 1 serving size each to keep it healthy! Then I put containers of hummus and Peanut Butter together so I have something to dip it all in when I am craving Ranch - the most unhealthy thing in the world that I am addicted to besides chocolate cake! YAY for a fridge full of healthy foods and no junk (except for that Dos Equis - hey, a girl has to drink)!

Current Weight: 198.6
BMI: Apprx.34.6 ( I don't know the exact until a couple months down the road when I go to my doc. this number is from my scale so it's apprx.)

HELLO, Week 2! Here's my embarrassing photos of where I am currently at. Messy hair day and all. (NO I am not preggers, that's my fatness that consumes my life! FML.)

So, as I said I am still getting used to this whole diet, meal planning and healthy eating thing but boy, have I learned what I CANNOT eat. Last night I ate an ice cream cone... BAD IDEA. Not even 5 minutes later it was going right through me! I had bad stomach cramps and I was not feeling good at all! Today I ate healthy for breakfast, lunch and dinner with healthy snacks in between yet still had to use the bathroom literally 5 minutes after EVER damn meal. I guess I am finally getting those side effects the Doc was talking about and warning me of! I have had cramps all day in my stomach and I have finally resorted to wearing a pad because I am too afraid to fart! TMI... oh well. Let's hope this week get's better before I die.

So, I am at the end of Week 2 and I am feeling a little bit better! My weight has fluctuated a lot this week... I was 198 then 194... then 191 then 196. Currently the scale says 200... TWO-FREAKIN'-HUNDRED?! I am so ready for this to start showing some results but I will admit I was super sick this week and did NOT follow my 100% strict diet or working out like I am supposed to EVERY DAY. I will now that I am feeling better though! 

Week 3 - Week ... I lost track.

or should I say gave up, quit, became a failure... A loser. Gained weight... But overall, I am just disappointed. I did what I said I WOULDNT do. I gave up on myself. I stopped believing I could do it. But hey, life happens and most importantly, I said I would be honest with myself and I am. 

It's been hard. I got really sick with an upper respiratory infection and was put on extremely potent and high dose antibiotics... My doc recommended I stop taking all other meds until it cleared up, so I did. Then, I never went back to taking them. 

So, what happened? I gained all the weight back I lost... I am at 202! That's not freakin' acceptable. I have no energy, I am tired a lot. I drink pop, eat snacks and snack all day... I cannot keep doing bad. I need to get back on track so I am going to do this. Here it goes again. 

Back on my journey...