It's [just another MANIC] Monday...

Tonight is just one of those grab a glass of wine, the softest blanket on the couch and blog kind of nights. I found myself lost in deep thoughts sitting at my desk at work today... thinking about all the opportunities we have as a family, all of the dreams we have, places to see, people to meet and things to do.

I can imagine myself 5 years from now... watching two little kids playing in the front of our gorgeous home, green grass, hanging plants around us and a glass of wine in my hand while I am sitting on the front porch swinging with my husband, listening to the birds chirping and smelling the sweet southern air. 

I can picture myself sitting on the couch with a good book staring out the window of our home watching the waves crash on the eastern shoreline.

I can picture myself sitting in my mama's backyard playing with my little brother and sister, drinking a beer, picking up grass, smashing ants, talking about the glorious hot summer days and wishing it never had to end. 

The thing is, I can see myself anywhere. I can picture my family anywhere. I can picture my future, it's bright... it's perfect. I want to be settled, that's all I want. Everyone keeps telling me that money doesn't buy happiness. They may be correct, I wouldn't truly know. But what I do know is that I am happy right in this moment but I am not settled. I am not in a home that we own, I am not in a career that's stable, I am not in a town that's safe to raise my child. I am not secure in my life right now. I want more... 

I want to be able to wake up in the morning and know that I can stay home with my children, read to them, play with them, watch them grow... I want to take them outside, play in the sun, teach them, learn with them. Being settled will allow me to do that. Being settled will allow me to feel comfortable in my home, in a town that I will raise my family, in a city like DC, in the open field country in Tennessee, on the sandy beaches near the ocean in Florida or in the cool-crisp air mountains of Virginia. 

Time is going by too slow right now and I am sitting here wondering when my hubs will hear back about the jobs he's been applying for across the country. I am such an anxious person anyway I feel like this is really challenging me to keep my cool. I wake up thinking about it... go to bed wondering why they didn't call today... it's hell. I wish I could chose a place I would love to live and pack my stuff and just go... wouldn't that be perfect?

It's going to take time. I am trying to be patient but for now... I am going to drink, bitch about it on my blog and watch hubs keep his composure (secretly, I think he's really nerved up and anxious too)... and play Mario Kart. Woot. 

Happy Monday, everyone.