Happy Tuesday.

It's an early morning. 

Coffee with hazelnut cream, old episodes of Sex and The City on T.V because, let's face it... who wants to watch the news right now? It's filled with horrifying terrorism news and sad news about children dying all over the world from diseases. I feel blessed this morning as I sit here and think about my life after turning off the news and distancing myself from reality.

My morning is going to be slow and lazy as I sit here and blog instead of going to the gym. I really should have gotten up this morning when my hubs did and gone to the gym instead of make a half-pot of coffee. But, it's so cold outside and so warm under this cozy blanket on my couch. Why is fall the lazy season after all?

I think I am just blogging to ramble this morning so I feel more sane getting my thoughts out on paper.

But, In reality I am just having high anxiety, I am a little sad and a little nauseated... maybe that's just cramps? Who really knows. I have boat loads of homework that's not getting done right now... or later because, I am having drinks with a friend after work. And, I have anxiety because we are still... impatiently... very annoyingly... waiting to hear back from our mortgage company about our house approval. I am seriously just getting anxious about moving in! 

Today is my late best friends birthday. I feel a little weird saying it like that.
"Late", sounds so officially gone. I can't believe it's been five years since I last saw her, talked to her and hung out with her. I feel like she is still here, and maybe she is. Maybe she's watching over us, and I am okay with that. So, tonight I will celebrate as if she's still here. Catching up with a new best friend whom I have had the pleasure of meeting, ironically... one night at a bar. We are going to celebrate friendship and the love that comes after loss. Because, we wouldn't be where we are today.... she wouldn't have the two beautiful children she has... or the wonderful marriage. Let's face it, maybe things happen for a reason. 

Happy Birthday, Meghan.

Happy Tuesday.

I am Letting It Be.

I've been in school for a few weeks now and I think I have finally reached my point of hell no, I cannot freakin' do this... I am going to quit! But I didn't. I can't... I mean, I can but I would really regret it and my hubs may kill me if I don't finish school this time. I need this! I just need to keep telling myself I CAN do this. Like the book, The Little Engine That Could,  "I think I can, I think I can, I think I can..."

It's only MONDAY for God sakes and wouldn't ya know it, I feel defeated already. My weekend was great, though. We had a date night Saturday night, much thanks to my wonderful in-laws, which was very eventful; dinner, drinks, movie - which was scary as eff, more drinks and then home to crash and not even remember telling each other goodnight. Sunday was stressful. Sunday consisted of lots of homework, grocery shopping, more grocery shopping, dinner at my mom and dads house, L being cranky and not pooping, Dan and I not really getting along like we should and that's all that needs to be said about that. It was HELL. I was stressed out, and really, really wanted to give up. I finally took a pill and went to bed to call it a night.

I woke up this morning in a panic. I felt like the world was in fast motion and I was late for everything even though I was up two hours before I had to be to work. I felt like I needed to be somewhere, and I should have been. AT THE GYM. Dumbass. Again, I forgot to go to the gym this morning and I hate when that happens because Goodness Gracious God Almighty freakin' knows I won't go when I get home at night because, let's face it... that's wine time. 

So, I hurried up... got ready for work (that is, after I laid in bed for an hour... HAHA) and I rushed out the door, hit the drive thru at Starbucks for my fav. pumpkin spiced latte with a triple shot and went to work only to have an even worse day to add to my glorious Sunday and Monday morning so far. It was SLOOOOOOW at work. Slow is an understatement. I didn't meet with anyone, didn't talk with anyone, didn't do much of ANYTHING all damn day. Corporate won't be happy that's for sure. Whoops. So, while I was at work, doing nothing... I realized that Facebook takes up too much of my life. Um, DUH, who hasn't realized that yet? But, really... I did. I realized that when I come home, I am on FB, when I go to bed I check FB, when I am upset... well, I look at FB then ask my friends why I am not tagged in their dumb status' that every other gosh darn friend is tagged in. Rant over. I am done, done, done with Facebook. I decided that this week I am officially done with it and deleting it. I can't take it anymore. So, if you need me... CALL. No hard feelings or anything.

Well, here I am... I come home, I have cramps. So I eat, grab my computer, do homework and then end up pouring a glass of Merlot to enjoy alone. I am finally... well, almost relaxed. Until I realize I have like 15 more assignments to do this week before I finish this Seminar I am in. FMLx200000000! 

Just as I felt like I was overwhelmed to my max and about to throw my computer across the room tonight, I was about to close Pandora out and sit in silence but, Let It Be came on the radio. I sat in silence except for the sweet sound of The Beatles calming me down and reminding me that everything will be okay and to just simply, Let It Be. I think little reminders like that are meant to be. So, for now... I will drink my wine, close out of my homework, dye my hair, and maybe have a treat. 

The End. XO.