One Step Closer

My wedding day is a day that often replays in my head. The dress, the flowers, my best friends, my mother, my husband, my daughter and her huge tutu waddling around, the beautiful makeup that I will never have again (because no matter how many tutorials I watch let's face it, I cannot do professional looking makeup myself! Ha.) It's all so joyous and wonderful to think about all over again. The days leading up to my wedding were agonizing, exhausting but exciting and I don't think I have had that feeling since awaiting my daughters arrival. That feeling is something I miss... Something that is so gut-wrenching because your insides are screaming with excitement for the big day, and your hands are jittery when you're getting your nails done because you're going to have a wedding ring on them in a few days... those feelings of excitement are amazing. 

The feelings are unlike any other. It's a memory now, a wonderful, beautiful memory that just seems like yesterday to me. When a memory appears again it comes in the form of a smell, a song, the sight of something beautiful... Like this - The Smell of a Memory from when I was a child, remembering my Grandmother just by smelling her old makeup caboodle that's in L's bedroom now. I felt that this morning again, that same gut-wrenching feeling of love and joy as I heard a song on Pandora radio. 

It took me back to my wedding day and the nerve-chilling moments before I walked down the aisle to my handsome man. The music started to play, I looked at my mom and she smiled as she was crying already... I was trying so hard to hold back the tears for fear of messing up my makeup but once I saw my mother I let it all pour out. I hear the acoustics of my favorite song that fit so perfectly on that day and every day with him. The song began to slowly play and I walked to meet my mom in the middle of the aisle. All I see is this... My heart melted at the sight of that smile. I was in heaven and I wanted to run down that aisle.

Heart beats fast

Colors and promises

How to be brave?

How can I love when I'm afraid to fall?

But watching you stand alone,

All of my doubt suddenly goes away somehow.

One step closer....

I have died every day waiting for you

Darling, don't be afraid I have loved you

For a thousand years

I'll love you for a thousand more

Time stands still

Beauty in all she is

I will be brave

I will not let anything take away

What's standing in front of me

Every breath

Every hour has come to this

One step closer.....

I have died every day waiting for you

Darling, don't be afraid I have loved you

For a thousand years

I'll love you for a thousand more.

And all along I believed I would find you

Time has brought your heart to me

I have loved you for a thousand years

I'll love you for a thousand more

My mom kept me grounded, and standing as a matter of fact. She grabbed my hand and squeezed me tight reassuring me that she's always there to hold my hand and guide me. My mom, the woman who helped me every day, guided me through good and bad, and held my hand my entire life is now walking me down the aisle to my future husband. In that moment life was perfect in that every way. The minute, maybe less, that it took me and my mom to walk down the aisle felt like a lifetime. All of these memories, love, and happiness took over me. I felt my knees weakening. I was in love, I was in awe, and I was so happy to be marrying the man standing in front of me and to have my mom standing beside me guiding me one step closer to my man.

This song brought back all of those happy moments for me this morning, I instantly grabbed my Mac and started writing not knowing where it would lead but I guess it's led me here. I have been non-stop typing from the moment I began, tears in my eyes from reliving the moments, and love... so much love. It's great to just stop everything, turn the music up and relive the memories once in a while. It definitely makes me feel one step closer to my memories... the love and happiness I felt that day and every day since.

XO, K.