Teaching my Toddler about Strangers

A parent, naturally, is always fearful of the worst when it comes to their children's safety. I'll be honest, I am on high alert and parental protective instincts kick in when someone looks at my daughter for longer than a glance and when someone asks her her name and then she blurts it out loud which of course sparks a little conversation, that's seemingly innocent with the 80 year old lady admiring her curls. It's natural for me to worry about the people around, the old man that looked at us for longer than a glance when we walked in, the one standing a bit too closely in the aisle of the grocery store smirking at her to make her giggle, and the one that's parked next to me sitting in their car smoking a cigarette that's staring at us while I buckle her in trying to be as fast as I can. Let's face it, we've all been on high alert at one point or another when it comes to our children and their safety. While I like to think good intentions are the only intentions in the heart of that little 80 year old woman admiring her curls and big eyes, I can't be too sure nor will I ever let my guard down. Those lurking around and listening too closely now know my daughters look, her name, her age, her favorite color and most likely her favorite candy because she's usually snacking on it in the store. They know everything they need to know to lure her in when I am not watching. Often I have thought to myself, am I paranoid or too controlling? Then I researched it...

The U.S. Department of Justice reports: 797,500 children younger than 18 were reported missing in a one-year period of time studied resulting in an average of 2,185 children being reported missing each day. - National Estimates of Missing Children, Statistics

The statistics are alarming! So am I really too paranoid? No way. While doing my research I found that many parents have blogged about kind of the opposite as my feelings... they've blogged about teaching your child it's okay to talk to strangers fearful that the child won't turn to anyone if they're in trouble. That's where I came across this blog - Stranger Smarts, which is really helpful and insightful on teaching your child the smart way to talk to strangers. While I agree with the blog, I also feel I need to do more while she's young and doesn't know the difference in looks, the way people act or talk. When your child is 2 1/2, talkative, cute and friendly it's hard to teach her to differentiate who to turn to when she's in trouble or know before hand if someone has ill intentions of hurting her or just helping her.

Since she was old enough to talk to me and understand me I have told her that when we go to the store not to talk to anyone unless Mama says it's okay. She does great now! More often than not, it's an older woman or man that will be shopping by us or next to us in the check out line and comment on her adorable hair, or tutu and that leads into asking her what her name is, how old she is, etc. She used to blurt out her name, say she's one or two... then say her favorite color which always changes anyway. What really made me worry about this was recently, we were at the fabric store and a woman started a conversation with her. Of course it started with, "Hey pretty girl, I love your curly hair. What's your name?" L told her her name, then said, "Mama's name is Kaila, my puppy is Lukey". Then when the woman asked what L was doing she said, "shopping with mama because daddy at work". Right then and there I knew something had to change. I could not let her talk to anyone in the store without my approval. Who knew that lady? Not I. Who knows if anyone was listening? Again, asking myself if I am too paranoid but realized, I don't care!

So L and I had a good talk about strangers when we got home. Now she usually smiles and buries her face in her hands, partially because she's shy around other people but mostly because I look at her and shake my head no when she looks to me for approval. It's hard sometimes for even myself to be a good judge of character when we are out in public but that's for me to worry about. I would rather air on the cautious side of things and make sure she's safe and doesn't talk to anyone. We have begun teaching her the importance of staying close to mom & dad at the stores. It's always "grab our hand or you get carried" or being put in a cart in the grocery store that way we know she's never out of sight. Thankfully we have our rights to protect ourselves but that's not always going to be helpful if your child runs off and goes missing. One of the blogs I read was this one below. It's helpful for me teaching my friendly two year old right from wrong and being smart when it comes to strangers!

Hope this helps other moms & dads struggling with this too!

5 Things to Teach Your Kids About Strangers and Personal Safety from Stranger Danger-Teaching Kids

Everyone is a stranger until Mommy says they aren’t.  That includes people who “look nice”.  Kids tend to think that bad people look bad and good people look good so it’s difficult for them to recognize the danger in talking to an old man with a leash and a lollipop in his hand.  Let your children know that every person, old, young, smiling, or not is a stranger unless you let them know otherwise.

Being cautious is not the same thing as being unfriendly.  Kids need to know the difference between having good manners and just being safe.  It’s okay for your child to be leery of new people and you should respect this about them.  When your toddler doesn’t want to be held by the long lost aunt they are meeting for the first time, it’s important that you validate this feeling before forcing them to get their cheeks pinched.  Let them know that you understand they are afraid because this person is a stranger to them, and then let them know that they don’t need to be because you trust Aunt Bertie.

It’s okay to tell someone.  Often children are afraid to share their fearful feelings about someone.  They don’t want to get in trouble or make you angry.  It’s important to let them know that they can tell you anything and you will still love them.  You want them to feel comfortable communicating how they feel to you.  The third cousin with the “scary eyes” may actually be scary for a reason.  Or, he’s just weird.  Either way, your children should be comfortable coming to you with this kind of stuff so that when they really need to they know they can.

Private parts are private.  Kids are pretty free spirit-y when it comes to their bodies when they’re young so parents have to let them know the parts that aren’t to be touched or seen by others.  Who exactly isn’t supposed to be touching and seeing them should be in that training as well.

Full name.  Address.  Phone number too.  And, make sure they know your name isn’t just Mommy.  It helps narrow things down a bit!