Reality sets in.
I am 36 weeks pregnant, it's not cute and fun anymore. I don't want to "show off" my bump or have people rub it or talk about names with complete strangers! I am miserable. Imagine putting a bowling ball between your pelvic bone and carrying that around with you. AT ALL TIMES! Yeah, miserable. I always have to pee, well sometimes it is just a "tinkle", but it's still horrible not being able to take a 5 minute car ride to the store without feeling as if you're going to pee your pants! Depends? Do they make those for 21 year old women?!
I am thinking more and more about "D-Day" and how horrible it will be. I feel like a crazy person that needs anxiety medication 24/7 to keep me calm! I am always thinking "what if". What if I go into labor right now? What will it feel like? What if my water breaks at work, or in public? I have never won the lottery, or anything for that matter... And have never been a so-called "lucky" person... EVER! So there goes my "luck". I will be the woman at Meijer pushing a cart and have my water break all over the floor and be forced to deliver a baby right there. Seriously, with my luck I would be that woman. Scary to think it could happen at any moment. The reality is that it very well could.
The idea of having a baby was great, and believe it or not actually being pregnant was great other than the first 2 months of non-stop morning sickness and the past 2 weeks of pain... It's all greaaaat. But hey, I can't complain that much. I got to eat whatever I wanted, whenever I wanted and not feel bad for it! "but baby wants a big Mac, baby wants ice cream, baby wants Arby's" yup, I did it! I blamed it on the baby and ate whatever I wanted. Didn't gain an ounce! Woo-hoo!
I am realizing that baby girl is going to be here soon. Her room is ready, diaper bag is packed, hospital bag is packed... Or at least getting there, what am I missing? The house is clean, kind of! What else is left? Sit on my butt and wait for these contractions? I'm going crazy! She could be here any minute and at that moment my whole life will change. No, there is no need to remind me of that either. I get it... My whole life is going to no longer going to be "worry free me, let's go get a drink!" it will be, baby, baby, and more baby!! Would I trade where I am at now for where I was at last year? No. Not a chance. I love my life, don't think I don't... I just hope I will be a good mommy. If I could turn out to be half the mom my mom is, I will turn out just fine. :) my mother has taught me all I need to know and more. She has given me support when I need it most, love when I don't deserve it, and everything I need for me and my little girl to have a great life. My little girl is blessed to have such a loving family.
I don't think there is anyway to prepare someone for the birth of their first child and raising their baby but I am trying my hardest to be prepared. I am trying to dot all of my I's, cross my t's and make sure there is nothing I've missed between the lines. My mind is going crazy and it's only going to get worse.
All I can do now is hang on tight, enjoy the ride and wait for it all to be over... Pregnancy, that is. Then, on to the next ride of my life, raising my little girl...
<3
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