I need you

I learned something from my daughter tonight. She is holding the neck of my shirt tightly and I am rocking so gently to be sure she falls asleep. She is blinking so heavily, her lips puckered around her paci and she is dozing off to la-la-land. A minute or two ago she was crying. Probably because of her teeth almost popping through, or maybe the fact that she hasn't eaten well today, she's over tired or she just wants to cuddle. She was crying, arching her back and fighting the cuddling and the bottle I was trying to feed her. I was frustrated. I was so frustrated that in my head I am thinking, "okay seriously child... Go to bed!" At that moment I looked down at her, she was rubbing her eyes with her little fist, yawning and holding into her paci with the other hand as she is lying here in my arms. At that moment I sighed, gave her a kiss on her forehead and said,"i love you!" She may throw her temper tantrums, fight going to bed and get mad when she doesn't get her way but in that moment when I looked into her eyes and kissed her sweet face she was perfect. I remember the day she was born, lying on my chest and thinking to myself, "I am so in love with this little girl!"

I got that feeling again tonight. I looked down at her so peaceful and content, now sleeping and dreaming as I rock gently. I think about her dreams, her thoughts and my dreams for her. I can't imagine my life without this little girl. I don't even want to picture my life without her... Everything I love is wrapped into this little tiny baby girl, everything I dream of, everything I am passionate about. Lennon is my life, my heart and soul in this world.

Many times I forget how precious our lives are to one another. How much she needs me and how I need her probably more than she needs me... I think about my life with her, my life with out her and my life 50 years from this very moment maybe holding my grandchild one day rocking them to sleep like this. These temper tantrums, moments when I want to give up, throw in the mom-towel and let her cry herself to sleep - I realize she needs me and I need her and I hope that never goes away.

Good night, Lennon.
I love you more than words can say.
XOXO