Time Flies When You're Having Fun

This was me... 4 years ago. I was carefree, in love and wanting a new adventure. So, when my boyfriend was offered a job in DC and decided that it was time to move out there I was stuck with the hardest decision in my life. I faced the choice of moving to a big city with him, or trying to make a long distance relationship work... for who knows how long. I didn't have too long to think about it, his decision was made... he was leaving in a few days after finding out he got the job. It took me longer to make up my mind but in the end, I decided to move.

Who knew that it would change my life forever?

Oh, Timehop. It really is the greatest app ever, letting us relive all of our old memories, reminisce and relive all of the fun times we had. It's so fun looking back at everything! 

So, exactly 4 years ago I moved to Virginia. I was emotional to say the least, it was extremely difficult to leave my family, my friends but really exciting to go on a new adventure to a city I have never been to and start fresh. 

Two weeks after arriving in VA and getting settled in Dan and I knew something wasn't feeling right. I was sick, always so tired, an emotional wreck (which we both blamed on the home sickness), and to top it all off I hated my new job so I quit the first day there. When Dan and I were moving in I tripped over the stupid curbs they have there, (thank you clumsiness) I sprained my ankle and was stuck climbing 4 flights of stairs with crutches to our apartment. Needless to say, my first week or two were miserable!

That's when I realized something wasn't right. 

I knew that it wasn't all due to being homesick, or crabby and tired. 

So, that's when I peed on a stick.

Dan looked at it...

We cried.

We were PREGNANT! 

Here I was, in an apartment, in a huge city, without my best friend or mom, without my friends, family, unknown surroundings, without my OBGYN... and I am pregnant. I thought I was emotional before but these new emotions took me to a whole new level of emotional hell. It was a long couple of months from there... Things took a turn for the worst when I had an emotional break, couldn't handle it anymore and moved home, alone. 

With me moving home and realizing Dan was staying in DC, realizing I was going to be doing this all alone was the hardest part of our entire relationship. We went through hell, and back, and then went through hell again... and repeated that cycle many, many, many times. Our relationship was falling apart, and at times completely fell apart as this beautiful miracle was growing bigger daily. 

A lot happened in the few months I moved home and Dan was working his dream job in DC... I started back at my old job, got a new job, worked my ass off for both of them and was living back at home with my parents who were so amazing, helpful and giving during that time. I used their car, they saved all of my money for me, I never went out, never spent a dime, never had friend time... just lots of family time, working time, and lots of boring nights alone. When the deadline came to get my own place and find an apartment for the little one and I, things were finally on the mend. At that time, Dan moved back home... we began to restore the lost trust, rebuild the pieces of the horrible emotional wreckage and become a team again. We knew that the biggest challenge was still ahead of us and we needed to do it together. 

So, 4 years ago our lives changed and have continued to change ever since. We have been through hell and back, and it's made us stronger, more trustworthy and loyal people, we are happier and have a healthier relationship. Ever since, we haven't left each others side. It's crazy to think that 4 years back wasn't that long ago, but so much has happened. We have been blessed with an amazing daughter, a beautiful home, a dog (totally my fault) and another baby on the way... all because we took a chance on love so long ago. We took a leap of faith, decided to make it work, and chose LOVE over anything else that may have mattered at the time. We wouldn't be where we are at now if it weren't for those moments... come hell or high-water, in sickness and health, till' death do us part... we are in it together and we are in it forever.

Dear Daughter,

You'll always be my first...

When I saw that title on a blog I knew that I had to read it. It turned out that a minute into it I was wiping the tears away just so I could see to read on. That's when I read, "You, you, you. You're the one who burst my heart wide open. You taught me what wild, uncontrollable, unlimited, unconditional love feels like. You changed everything. You turned me into a mom." 

Every word out of this mama's mouth typed into this blog are spot on, so true. 

You must read it... but if you're a mom of two you will cry, so grab a tissue! 
You'll Always Be My First - Amy Wruble

Lennon, you're my baby. The day that I found out I was pregnant my life changed. I did everything with YOU in mind, what I ate, what I did, where I was, who I was around and even what I wore revolved around YOU from that day forward. When you were born our lives changed, my life was more beautiful every single day because you were in it. I smiled when you smiled, I cried when you cried - mostly out of sadness because I didn't know how to make you happy in that moment, and many times out of frustration wanting to be a better soother, cuddler, boo-boo healer, a better mom. When I held you the world went away, everything around me was quiet, the sun felt warmer, the winter days felt cozier, the only thing that mattered was you and I. 

I wrote a blog when you were just 6 months old, My Teacher, I cried reading it again because of the truth to it. You taught me how to love, how to be patient, kind and caring, how to let the dishes wait, let the cell phone go to silent and most importantly how to be a mom. I am who I am because of YOU and I am so grateful for that every single day. Every single day you continue to teach me patience and kindness, love for God and love for family. You still teach me every day to love life. We love to explore the little things in life, embrace the silly things, dress up and act like a fool, just because it's fun and you love it. 

Now, you're 3 years old and you're preparing for this life changing event of becoming a big sister and welcoming her into our lives. You are going to be so kind, so loving and so gentle with her. I just know that you will be great with her! I am anxious to see the look in your eyes when you meet her, see the way you smile when you hold her and hear you say, "I love you" with as much love as I had when I said it to you for the very first time. I know it's scary, it's a new change and there will be times when it's frustrating when we can't do everything together as just the two of us anymore. I am nervous for that too, really scared actually to see how you will react to the change and how you embrace it. But, you must know that we will be embracing it together. As you grow into a big sister, and me into a second time mom, we will be embracing this change together and learning to love our new family of 4 in a new way. There may not be as many adventures to the store, trips to the park on a random afternoon, or ice cream trips but we will have fun, we will do things together, we will embrace little sister being here, play with her, play when she's sleeping and still color tons of pictures.

But, as for now before baby sister arrives I will snuggle you every moment I can, I will kiss you a million times a day and always say I LOVE YOU. I will color with you when you want me to, I will play barbies for hours on end, I will chase you around the backyard and hide from swamp monsters and I will run up and down the road with you while you ride your bike. I will watch you sleep peacefully, I will remember each moment and try to never forget it. I will cherish every moment with you, just you and I because soon it will all change... 

As she said in her blog, "So when you're feeling frustrated because I'm nursing your sister instead of playing dress-up, or because I might use stern words with you but not her (she's just a baby), or because I can't stop talking about how cute she is (Mom likes infants the way you like ponies), know that there is more than enough love for both of you, because of the ever-expanding place in my heart that you made. You, you, you. You will always be my first."

I love you, Lennon.

XO

Baby Bump | 8 Months

8 MONTH UPDATE

How far along: 32 Weeks / 8 Months

Due Date: December 4, 2015 was our original due date but maternal fetal medicine ultrasound showed that baby is measuring ahead and we are now at November 30, 2015 for our due date based on baby measurements - which is most likely more accurate anyway.

Baby Size: Approx. 19 inches / 3.9 lbs. / the size of a head of lettuce! Holy crap, baby! 

Weight Gain: I am only up 2 lbs. from my pre-pregnancy weight! YAY, ME! 

Gender: GIRL

Sleep: Thankfully, sleeping has been better lately. I have been falling asleep quickly at night and sleeping until about 3 AM when baby decides to wake up, kick a ton, and make me have to pee. So, I run to the bathroom and then I am usually awake for a while! Other than that, all is well when this mama can get a nap during the day. 

I am feeling: Still feeling great! My energy is back in the mornings so I can get a TON of nesting done and house chores done right away. My round ligament pain has gotten worse, chiropractor appointments are closer together and thankfully my massages are regularly scheduled now. Feeling great, let's hope this continues!

Cravings: My most favorite things in the world right now are still spicy foods, sriracha on absolutely everything, and I am slowly getting back into loving sugar. Cider donuts... MMMM!!! I just devoured one this morning and thankfully I found pasteurized apple cider so my Fall is now complete! 

Currently loving: I am loving that it's finally FALL weather! I can wear my one pair of maternity leggings that actually fit, large hoodies and slippers. 

Currently hating: Yesterday I thought Dan was going to have to drag me out of the house naked. I could not find a single thing to wear that fit me good for the transition into cool weather. Leggings and a t-shirt ended up winning the battle but seriously, how frustrating that nothing is fitting anymore now that belly is getting wider, lower and boobs are just too big for one bra so I have to wear two. W.T.Heck.

Update this week:

Dan and I are hiring a Doula, and for everyone in our family (or friends) asking what the heck a Doula is - read this. We are so excited to have this birthing experience be different from the first. In so many ways we were unhappy and uncomfortable with our first birth, unsatisfied with hospital procedures, and confused about a lot of things. This time I am determined to go into labor naturally, have little to no medication unless absolutely necessary and be able to walk around, try different labor positions, and most of all have more support from my doula and midwife than none at all from the nurses. She's so calm and holistic, very natural and even better... is all about essential oils in the delivery room! BONUS! I am ecstatic, nervous, anxious, all in one! 

Another SUPER DUPER exciting thing that happened this week?

I WON A BOBA!!!!! 

When I found out I jumped up and down like a little kid in a candy store, except I was a grown adult at the pumpkin farm and probably looked like an idiot for two seconds, but oh well! I was so happy! I think I entered every freakin' contest for #IBW2015 and I finally won a Boba 4g Carrier! I am so happy! I am a little disappointed (because I am picky and selfish) that it's black and not a fun, girly print but Dan's excited he can wear it too and not look silly in a girly Tula. :) I can't wait to go grocery shopping with two kids now that I have a carrier. #MomLife

Happy Crazy Thursday!

It's Thursday and it's already been one heck of a week! 

Between doctors appointments, preschool, chiropractor appointments, 

Dan's crazy, terrible long-houred work schedule, cleaning, laundry and now fleas...

it's enough to make a mom go crazy.

It's almost been a year now that I lost my job and moved on to being a SAHM. One year ago I dreamed of this job, being a full time mom that is. Being a full time stay at home mom to me meant playing, crafting, fun days and bedtime cuddles every night... shoot, even cleaning was exciting to me if it meant I was able to be home more and be involved in L's life more than I was.

I think I have posted this in my blog's way too many times before but I will say it again... 

Being a SAHM is hard work, demanding work, long hours, and it means I never get a day off. I don't sit on my ass all day and do nothing. I am lucky if I sit for 5 minutes to drink my coffee before L wants to play, read, draw, get play-doh out, etc. I love it, I really love it but some days are harder than others. Some days I want to rip my hair out, scream and cry in a corner and never come out. 

That was yesterday.

Long story short... we found fleas on Luke. 

I called Dan bawling my eyes out because after cleaning and doing my daily chores of regular laundry, as we were getting ready for nap time I happened to brush Luke and found fleas. I lost it, begged for him to come home from work, freaked out about my house being infested, and started researching things to do that work and called the vet!

So, since yesterday I have done about 8 loads of laundry, vacuumed the house more than I have in a month, washed every surface I possibly could reach and the ones I couldn't I dusted or shopvac'd like a crazy woman. I have changed all the bedding, vaccumed mattresses, washed Luke's toys, Lennon's toys, etc. given him medicine, a bath, combed him a bajillion-katrillion times and... whew... fingers crossed... haven't seen a flea since.

Well, in the midst of all this, I neglected my daughter.

I realized this today after I spent over two hours vacuuming my house, cleaning the garage, throwing more loads of blankets in, folding laundry that was done, putting clean laundry away, etc. etc. etc. I made lunch for her and I and we sat together to eat in peace and quiet - it was so nice! After lunch was done it was only about 12:30PM so instead of letting her go outside and ride her bike I told her we could after I threw laundry in and cleaned up. Well, 5 minutes of laundry turned into over two hours of work. I came upstairs, looked at the clock and it was 2:45!!!! I went to check on L and she was sitting on the floor in the same position I left her in, watching the iPad.

I scooped her up, got her ready for nap and she of course cried asking to ride her bike now and said, "but mom, you promised!!!", and once she said that I was heartbroken!

We cuddled in bed like we normally do but this time she laid right on my arm, snuggled up to me, kept saying "mom I miss you... mom, I love you" and then fell asleep in seconds! I laid awake wanting to cry, hold her forever and never let go. We napped together like this for over an hour. I fell asleep feeling guilty because earlier all I was thinking about was all the cleaning I had left to do, whether or not my dog was going to get fleas on her bed and I was clearly too tired to think anymore when I passed right out... but, not before taking these sweet pictures.

We woke up from nap time and I felt so guilty. The entire day was spent hauling her off to preschool, running errands, eating lunch and then leaving her by herself to watch the iPad for hours... I cried. 

F'ing emotional pregnancy, I tell ya! 

So I decided to make a quick dinner for us and then surprise her with some mommy & me time at open swim tonight! Off to the pool we went and seriously, her facial expression was so priceless! We spent hours at the pool swimming, chasing each other in the lap pool, jumping in the deep end, playing in the fountains and hopping like a bunny rabbit in the shallow water. It was a blast! It was so nice to be able to leave my house, to put cleaning on hold, leave my phone alone and just have fun! I don't think I've laughed that hard in the past two days. I am so thankful for this little bundle of joy, giggles and excitement. I need more moments like this! Look at that face of pure excitement... that face made my night!

So, after a long night of swimming she is exhausted, I am exhausted but we are both happier than ever. When we got home daddy helped her get pj's on and get ready for bed and she told him all about her day at the pool. She was overjoyed and so happy. It's a blessing to see her so happy! I promised her we could take a long bike ride tomorrow BEFORE we venture off to Meijer for more cleaning supplies and spend hours vacuuming and doing more loads of laundry. Then we will spend the weekend together doing whatever she wants... and maybe after church we can go to a Pumpkin Farm. Oh, and other than making her Halloween costume we will probably be making some halloween decorations and playing play-doh! Thank goodness the weekend is coming!

Goodnight!

XO.