Here's My Heart

Today was rough and such a blessing all in one... 

We were up every two to three hours last night with London. Teething may have begun, she's fussier than normal, she's gnawing on everything and when she wakes she can't calm herself back to sleep. So it's mommy to the rescue every.single.time. Because... boob juice is magic. Duh. 

On top of a sleepless night we ran around like chickens with our heads cut off all day. We had plumbers come over and fix a pipe with the house which of course cut out more drywall in my main entry way... dust is everywhere! We took my car in to be fixed after I hit the garage door... oops! However, the good news is my car is all fixed up... and detailed inside! It rocks when you have a good Uncle that's the boss! (Thanks!) 

Then while Dan was gone and London was napping I was able to unwind, grab some tea and tackle some housework. 

That's when it hit me.

I was listening to a new album on iTunes and it hit me hard. I heard...

"I am found, I am Yours

I am loved, I'm made pure

I have life, I can breathe

I am healed, I am free

Here's my heart, Lord..."

and in that song I was so engaged... I was thinking about everything I do on a daily basis. Thinking about how I get so tired at the end of the day, I complain about the never ending dishes or laundry, the messes and the sleepless nights. I am a mom but some days that's all I feel like... But when I listened to that song I felt that everything I am doing is good and I'm doing what He wants me to do, what He thinks is the best thing for me to do. This life I live is the life I was meant to live. I'm alive. I'm pure. I'm loved and I'm someone's perfect creation. I am His. 

"You are strong, You are sure

You are life, You endure

You are good, always true

You are light breaking through."

I needed to feel that today as I was sitting on the basement floor drowning in laundry. Some days I use it as my outlet - I shut the door, turn on some music and drown out the screaming kids upstairs. 

Today I used it as a place to breathe, think, unwind and reflect. Chat with my best friend about the never ending life of a mom, reflect on me, my life as a mom, my life as a wife and as a child of God. It's easy to get lost in this world when you're a stay at home mom doing the same routine daily. I've been searching for the feeling I got today my whole life, this feeling of being His and feeling like I belong in this world and today I really felt it. It really hit me hard when I was listening to Lauren Diagle's new album. She knows exactly how to say the things I am feeling. 

As I looked around me I saw the piles of clothes and thought... I am alive, I am a mom and this is MY HEART. These clothes are here because of God, these little blessings we've created that God blessed us with are here because of GOD's work and His trust in me to be a good mother, a good teacher and compassionate loving wife. This is a result of God giving me life and a great heart. 

So here's my heart Lord... 

Speak what is true.

Tonight as I sat with my girls I kissed them both so much, told them how much I love them and thanked God for the life he's given us. Some days it's hard, and really challenging but we overcome, we endure because He is LOVE.