I am not a church-goer. I don't read the bible. I don't follow the ten commandments like I should, and I don't live my life free of sin. I am human. I am a human who makes mistakes, slips up from time to time, and ends up in bad situations. I am a human that believed at one time that God was greater than all. That God created this world, he put us all here for a reason and he had a plan for all of us. I believed that everything happened for a reason.
In 2009 my best friend Meghan passed away in a tragic car accident. She was my best friend, and the closest thing to a sister I had. Meghan was my role model, my rock, my everything. When she passed away I stopped believing. I didn't believe that God had a plan for that to happen. I didn't believe that God had better plans for her, or that her accident happened for a reason. There was no rhyme or reason behind it for me. She was gone and I was hurting. When Meghan passed away it was a time I should have turned to God to help me and I couldn't. That moment I felt lost.
It was hard for me to get past that point in my life. I tried reading the bible, I tried going to church, I tried every thing and I couldn't bring myself to believe.
The day I found out I was pregnant was the scariest moment of my life. So many thoughts running through my mind. So many regrets. I didn't understand why God would do this to me. I kept thinking to myself, why me? Why now? Why does He hate me? But it didn't take long to figure out why I was here, why me and why now.
"God will never give you more than you can handle".
I realized that He was challenging me. God was giving me more than I could handle and He was believing in me. All those times I gave up on Him, all those times I said I didn't believe... He was making a plan for me. He stood by my side and He believed in me. God was and still is making me a stronger woman, a better mom, and a better person. Unfortunate things happen in life, giving up is the easy route to take but being strong takes courage, and God gives you that. I prayed for 9 months that I would have a healthy baby girl, who has a loving family, and support team. I prayed that she would have a father who loves her, cares for her and is there every single day! I didn't stop praying, and God didn't stop helping.
I learned a lesson today. Never give up on God, He is always there and will never give up on you!
Kaila!! This is great! I am at work and just took a ... well, how long of a break is not necessary... to read what you have written so far. It is amazing. I kept getting goose bumps. You are inpsiring me to creat a blog, but what about.. I have NO IDEA! You are going to be a great mommy. You and Lennon are going to have such a great relationship! She is going to LOVE this blog when she gets older. I am sure a lot of tears of laughter will be shared as you read her this blog. Keep it up! You are amazing!
ReplyDeletep.s. Can I ask how you came up with Lennon... I LOVE IT!
Thank you!! I have always had a passion for writing and creating a blog was a great way for me to get through this rough, yet exciting time!
ReplyDeleteLennon came from a dream I had... My Papa passed away when I was young and he was a huge fan of the Beatles! In my dream he was holding my newborn baby and when my grandmother asked what name I picked he smiled and said Lennon. It felt so real. The night I had that dream was actually the anniversary of John Lennons death. Crazy, right? So it was almost like a sign... I had to name her Lennon.