More than the Universe

This week has been rough, horrible and nerve wrecking to say the least. Monday morning I sent a letter. One of those letters that you're hoping will change the work environment, your boss's attitude and open the eyes corporate office you work under.

But as I sit here and think of what I will say to him, I am holding my daughter tightly. Her little red chubby cheeks are puckering as she's sucking on her paci and holding my finger tightly with her soft little hand. All of the horrible things in this universe surround me and consume me on a daily basis. The awful corporate world that everyone strives to be in, the job and the goals that I pushed myself so hard to achieve are at my fingertips and I hate every ounce of it. The universe has so many opportunities for me and for my family.

So, why am I stuck in this corporate bull-shit world? I don't know... I ask myself that every morning at 8:05 when the coffee pot is brewing and my boss is on the phone laughing like an obnoxious animal. I look at my life, my family and my little girl and think...

If it weren't for you being the center of my universe; my universe would collapse. My job means supporting my family, providing for my self and my loved ones and I'm just going to suck it up until that day I can get out. And until then my universe will be filled with sucking up to bosses, running nonsense reports and being treated like dirt but at least I have a goal. And that goal is to be home with my baby girl, and make myself the center of her universe.

I will never miss a thing...
I cried tonight as I was saying goodnight to her. She was in her daddy's arms and he was rocking her as she was crying for her bottle. I handed it to her and with two hands she grabbed it and put it right in her mouth. I kissed her on the forehead and walked out. I have a 7 month old baby and I haven't been home with her since she was 6 weeks old. I miss it... I want to work toward my goal of being a stay at home mom. I can do it... I know I can.

<3

Lennon is 7 months

My sweet, sweet princess is 7 months old!

and there is no doubt she acts like one too...

Lennon has her own personality now.

She laughs all the time, seriously. ALL.THE.TIME!

 

Lennon finally says, "DaDa!" and she won't stop saying it.

She babbles all the time, someday she will say "Mama".

But, that's if I am lucky...

Nana and Papa are on this kick that she will say Nana first!

Oh, man.

 

Lennon has started eating veggies and fruits!

We learned the hard way that she HATES green beans,

even when I sneak them into the sweet taters she knows!

Babies are so gosh-darn smart, I tell ya.

 

She loves carrots and sweet taters,

hates green beans and naners.

 

She loves bath time, always has really.

But, now she plays with the water coming out of the faucet.

She tries to grab it and eat it.

Oh, and she can stick a whole ducky in her mouth.

Great accomplishment, Lennon.

 

She is now scooting when she is on the floor.

One minute she will be lying on the blanket on the living room floor,

and the next thing ya know she is under the coffee table trying to pull herself up.

Yes, that happened.

Silly, girl.

 

She is mesmerized by absolutely everything!

She grabs a toy and wants to eat it,

but she examines it first.

Just like her mamma, she's a thinker.

and I guess she gets the brains from Daddy.

He's a smarty-pants.

or... is it a smart-ass?

Both, I guess!

 

She is top heavy.

Yes, that cute little face is too heavy for her chubby little bottom half.

I sit her up on the floor and she sits there for a few,

then topples right over.

It really is the cutest thing!

 

Lennon loves the camera.

Just like momma, she takes every opportunity to look silly for a photo.

 

(Photo shoot below)

 

Lennon loves eating the corners of pillows,

scrunching up her face like a puppy,

I swear she learned it from Lucky but who knows :)

She loves laughing at Daddy talking to her.

She enjoys strolling through the mall

and looking at the lights.

She loves eating the tags on things,

especially her toys.

She loves grabbing mammas hair,

and daddys scruffy face.

She enjoys rolling around,

on the floor, on the couch,

off her changing table.

Yep, that happened.

(but mamma caught her in mid-air).

Whew, that was the scariest moment ever!

 

Lennon loves life,

and we love life with her in it.

 

Perfection!

 

 

My favorite!!

 

The end,

Until next time.

XO

Crazy, Beautiful Life

This week has started off crazy already. I have realized I want a better job, a nicer boss, I want to go back to school and finish my degree, I want to be a healthier person, eat better and live better. I want to be a better woman, a more caring and compassionate fiancé, an understanding, patient mother and a fun, outgoing friend.
That's a lot of thinking in one week...

Truth is,
Life throws rocks at you.
A bad job, a horrible boss, lack of finances, a surprise baby in the middle of it all. At first I thought those rocks were bad like big horrible road blocks in life.

Now, I am realizing that those rocks are helping me. They are helping me build different road to take, a bigger road, a long beautiful path through this life. Sure they suck, but without those rocks thrown at me I would be lost.

This horrible job has made me a stronger person, more focused and have tougher skin to deal with things I encounter through life. The lack of finances has made me closer to my family. We stay in more, watch more movies, make dinner together and relax. And, well that surprise baby in the middle of this crazy life has made it more beautiful by the day.

Sometimes I need a reminder that everything in this crazy life may not be beautiful but I have the most beautiful part of mine right beside me.

My AMAZING Valentine

Valentines Day will always be that "hallmark holiday". All of the single people complain about it, and it leaves all of the committed people to anxiously anticipate the flowers, gifts, chocolates and kisses.

For me, Valentines Day means celebrating the love we have, the life we have and of course anticipating the flowers and yummy goodies!

This year was super special.
I came home to my favorite flowers on the table, and a card from my wonderful fiancé and our daughter. Lilies, roses, and chocolates... I was one happy girl!

Lennon and I spent the night at my dads, for dinner, good company and cookies to take home. Lennon got a big caterpillar stuffed bug that's bigger than her!

We went home and prepared my babes gifts. Candies, cookies, cards that are life-size a book, and some clothes!

We spent the evening together, with gifts and yummy chocolates, relaxing and enjoying each others company.

I am so blessed this year! My fiancé is wonderful, and so romantic. My daughter is blessed with a wonderful family to spoil her with gifts and goodies. And I am blessed to spend quality time with the people I love most.

Thank you for the most amazing and memorable Valentines Day ever. I love you, Daniel and I am blessed to be a part of your family. :)

Being a Mommy

Is a wonderful thing and I have a millionbajillionkatrillion reasons why. Enjoy my happiness in life!

-Waking up in the morning to see that smiling face and kicking feet sticking through the side bar of the crib

-Hearing her say "DaDa" for the first time and seeing her Dads face light up with happiness and tears of joy. It's pure love!

-The feeling you get when she is finally eating carrots and potatoes like a big kid. I cried, not going to lie. She opens her mouth, chomps and spits it out when she doesn't want anymore. She is growing up too fast and it's bitter sweet.

-Cuddling for hours sleeping together on the couch all afternoon.

-Going to work with carrots on your shirt from the sneeze that had carrots in it. Impressive? Not so much.

-Smelling like lavender baby night time lotion when you go to work. It's amazing and it's a little reminder of Lennon all day long!

-The little fingers that wrap around yours when she's sleeping. She holds on so tight!

-The sweet sounds she makes when she's sleeping... Those dreams must be awesome.

-Knowing you're going to be late for work because she pooped everywhere and she needs a bath... But it's okay... She's laughing and playing in the tub and everything seems to pause so you can enjoy the moment.

-Knowing you're going to be late for work, have wet hair and no makeup. But it's okay because she wanted to cuddle and love on mamma.

-Spending you're evening in watching a movie and cuddling with your family. Priceless.

-Watching her bouncing and playing in her new toys. Her legs are finally touching the bottom!

-Brushing her curly hair... I just picture doing it when she's 5 years old and all the cute hairstyles she can have!

-Watching her grab her Daddy's face and say DaDa! Again, it's too darn cute!

-Hearing her giggle and belly laugh when we are playing

-Watching her experience things in life. New sounds, new toys, new people. She is so observant.

-Walking into day care and having her reach her arms out to me! It's amazing when your baby wants you to pick them up!

-Calling her by her name. Lennon Danielle Klepsch. It is such a powerful, meaningful name. Lennon, like my PaPa said "my little Lennon"! I will never forget that dream. Danielle, her dad picked it out to name her after him, and I love it because she really is a spitting image of him!

-Her nick-name, bug. For so many reasons is she a bug. She has 4 long hairs on her head, longer than the others. They are her antennas. :) she is small, and petite, and round like a little bug. Lady, bug is more like it. She has big "bug" eyes the prettiest blue I have ever seen. They are always big and starring right at you. We call her bug, or buggie. It's just so fitting.

-Her big blue eyes, they're beautiful.

-I tell her she is amazing every single day. She does something new everyday that amazes me. Scooting, laughing out loud, spitting her food at me on purpose when I mock her, etc.

My world revolves around this little miracle and I love her more every single day.

To my Lennon, you - are - amazing.
Love you, forever.

Find Your Dreams

Have you ever sat back and really looked at your life? Imagine this... you're standing on a cliff with binoculars looking at your life from the beginning until now.

Are you happy with the path you've taken?

Are you looking forward to your hopes and dreams coming true and being fulfilled?

Or, are you stuck...
Stuck in a mud rut of hopelessness and fear? Stuck with little imagination to where you're finding yourself doubting your abilities... Changing your mind and giving up hope?

If you're stuck you need to get out of your rut and face reality. Change your dreams, change your outlook and make it happen.

It sounds like its easy right? It may not be as easy as it sounds. You may feel as if you wake up one day and everything has changed. You've waited so long to pursue your dreams and now you feel like its too late, right? You're too old, you're too busy or you've had kids and you don't want to stray your attention...

I feel that way. I quit going to school to work full time. I quit that job to take another, and that job to take another. None pertaining to the job I want in the future, none of them relating to my dreams and my future goals in life. I've had a baby, and don't feel as if it is fair. Its not fair to work (all.the.damn.time.) and then go to school full time to better yourself and get a better education. How do single moms or working moms do that anyway?!

Anyway, I've been in that rut. That nasty rut that sucks you in, covers up your dreams and makes you sink. I've sunk big time. I've been stuck since I quit college and started working at dead end, worthless jobs. Sure, the pay is great, it provides for my little family, puts good food on the table, groceries in the house, warmth in my home, clothes on my babies back and as a matter if fact; it's paying for my wedding too! But, does all that matter in the end? Can I stay at a dead end job forever and not get to where I want to go?
Probably not.

I need to refocus, regain my strength and commitment to my dreams. I need to stay focused once I gain strength and believe in myself. I am a hardworking woman, a full time working woman, and a full time mom of a baby girl. I CAN do this and I won't let anything bring me down!

How are your dreams coming along?... Need inspiration? Go out into your world and find some. It's everywhere!

Inspiration from a child...
Pep Talk from a Kid President

Wedding-Schmedding

Top 10 things about my (up-coming) wedding, and probably yours that are down.right.annoying.

1. Everyone wants to talk about the big day. Friends, family and total strangers all want to know absolutely everything about your wedding. "When is it?"... "Oh, December?! That's so close to the Holidays, not to mention cold!", "What is your color scheme?", "Oh, you're going with Blue... that's so boy-ish... Are you going to find flowers to match?" Your boss will ask if she's invited, and if you need a can opener from her pampered chef party as a gift. (Because she gets it on sale, ya know!) Total strangers at the bridal boutique will be asking what your color scheme is and how dress shopping is going. Not to mention once you do have your dress on they ask what rack its on and if they can try it on too... uh-hmm... not a chance. All of a sudden, everyone cares about this one thing and forgets about everything else going on in your life. I started to take it personally but I soon realized that won't do me any good and don’t get offended if you're one of the people I am writing about in this blog... for goodness sakes. Simple as that. If you don't want to talk about your wedding with total strangers, don't. If you don't want anyone knowing your color scheme, décor scheme or any-thing don't tell them. I learned the hard way. You will get overwhelmed, and I am sure this is only the beginning. There’s much more to come in the next 310... Days!

2. Everyone is so gosh.darn busy worrying about decor, budget, honeymoon plans, rings and flowers, ugh flowers... and, NO you cannot find (pretty) matching flowers to a BLUE color scheme. (Incase you were wondering, I am NOT a flower person. AT ALL). The less flowers the better. They're for funerals anyway. No one asks about your marriage plans. I think people just get caught up in the glamour of a wedding day, and it distracts them from the big picture: you have a wedding BECAUSE you’re getting married, not the other way around. I admit, I have gotten caught up in the wedding craze... and totally forgotten at times about the true meaning of a wedding... of MY wedding. Two hearts and two lives becoming one with each other and with God. Two families become one. Forever. Stop planning for 2.2 seconds and just ask yourself, what's next... If you're excited and anxious for the next step, after the wedding, ya better thank God because that's a good sign! :)

3. There are times where you will seriously consider an elopement. Jamaica sure does look GAWWWGEOUS!  I always thought that brides were just exaggerating when they talked about the stress of the big day... Well, they’re not. The pressure of that wedding day is starting to feel more and more like a reality show, now if only... it were complete with makeup artists and hairstylists with cameras to follow like paparazzi.

4. NERVES. I seriously get worked up just thinking about the big day. It's like that feeling when you're walking into a new school on your first day and not knowing where your classroom is, or that feeling when you're about to board a plane, that feeling when you're about to make the biggest decision of your life. Yeah, that's how I feel right now as I am wedding planning. I really felt it the day that Daniel and I walked into Founder's Hall for the first time. I walked down the center aisle and stared at the stage where he will be standing on our wedding day. Nerves filled my stomach, of course I didn't tell him that... but the butterflies were there fluttering around and I was in heaven thinking... wow, this is really going to happen! But, those damn nerves are gonna get me on that day. Girls, make sure you make me eat so I don't pass out!

5. You will feel like your wedding isn’t your wedding. I feel like everyone has an opinion about how I do things, what the tables look like... how many people are invited, who's invited... etc. I am happy with my table settings, my simple yet elegant décor, and as a matter of fact... It's MY wedding. Well, mine and my fiancé's but stilllll. WE decide who comes, and WE decide who doesn't. If we wanted our second and third-and-fourth-aunts-uncles-cousins-step-brothers-step-sisters-ex-husbandsofcousins- that I see merely once a year then they'd be invited.... I am going crazy.AGH.

6. Since when did weddings get so gosh.darned. expensive? I mean, that's the industry to go into! $1,000 here and $500 there.. it's all adding up. About $7,000 in the end and we may have a complete wedding and that's with the bare minimum amount of people and even DIYing our own decorations. So do it yourself... Word to the non-wealthy, if you're wise. Make your own invites, save.the.dates, and decorations!

7. Holy time consuming... according to several websites the average bride spends 200+ hours planning her wedding. I seriously feel that 200 hours is way too much time but then again, I can see myself getting sucked in. Honestly, most of that time is probably spent on Pinterest, facebook and other social networking sites that are oh-so-wonderful wedding planning tools... but come on, 200 hours? That's a bit much. I found an article on Yahoo where it said that planning a wedding should, according to wedding consultants, take approximately 200 hours. I can’t begin to imagine the event that will come out of that time, but if I had my way, instead of spending 200 hours planning for a single day, I’d rather take some of that time (how about 25%, okay?) and plan for each and every day that comes after.. let's make every single day a special event for a whole year... how about that? I bet Pinterest has some awesome ideas for that! :)

8. People feel the need to give you advice about your wedding, your relationship, the marriage after. The annoying ones, the rude ones, the smart-ass ones, the ones who would rather see you single anway, the co-workers, the boss, the ones that aren't even coming and still....(don't know they aren't invited). The only ones you care for advice from are you parents, who have been happily married their whole life, the ones that are happy in a trustworthy relationship, and of course, your best friends who have always been there for you through thick and thin. I try to ignore most of it. You should ignore most of it. No one means to be a jerk to you, and they don’t mean to undermine your decisions, but it happens annnnnd, it happens a lot! When someone offers you advice, listen and politely thank them – whether they’re right or wrong isn’t the question. It’s whether things are right or wrong for you and your relationship. Or, simply just say... shut.the.hell.up. :)

9. Seriously, is it normal to worry about EVERYTHING? I worry about my tables not being decorated enough, my invites not being simple enough, my addresses being wrong, the cake being too small, the dresses being wrinkled. I worry about Lennon not walking down the aisle by herself, Byron not wanting to carry a pillow that's too girly. . I need to remember to take a deep breath and let it go. I have thought about this a million times over in my head... what if something goes wrong? And then you have all your married friends tell you, Kaila, something is bound to go wrong... let it go and smile. Riiiight. OCD Bride + something going wrong at "picture-perfect winter-wonderland wedding" = disaster. End of Story.

10. Weddings make people crazy, so I've heard. Please, don't let me go crazy... All I know is that I will have a drink in my hand, the man of my dreams by my side and best friends that will make damn sure nothing ruins my day.