London | 5 Months

London is one of the happiest babies we have ever met! She is always laughing and giggling, smiling when you look at her and of course only cries when you look away, or if she's hungry. Diva.  Within a month London has changed so much - she's officially found her voice, her toes and her favorite toy, Sophie. She is always rolling around on the floor - finally (I was secretly getting worried for a while when she was the last of her little friends to roll). She can roll front to back, back to front and when you leave her on the floor alone she ends up in another place when you come back. It's fun! I am really looking forward to next month when we start exploring the world of solid foods full force and begin baby led weaning. I have to say, I am super excited! Last night we cut up an avocado for her to play with and see what she would do. Good news: she didn't hate it. Bad news: it is soooooo messy! 

This weekend she actually made it an entire 47 minutes in church nursery until I had to rescue her. She was a happy baby once mama was there... or should I say once the milk was there. I have to say, this nursing thing has really created an amazing bond between us. I can't imagine stopping... although some days I want to. Hey, that's the honest mom truth coming out right? 

Lennon has already created her nicknames - Lon, Londie and sister are her favorites. She loves to call her a monster especially when she growls ALL.THE.TIME. It's seriously the cutest thing ever! Len and Lon, I like it. 

The other night she said "da-da-da-da". We thought it was cute, Dan loved it but I think it might just be baby babbling. Nonetheless, it was adorable. Let's hope she does it again soon!

London has been sleeping great - I mean, seriously we got so lucky with the girls.

She sleeps from 7pm-7:30am most nights with only waking up once in the night to nurse and when she does wake up in the mornings she's happy as can be smiling and cooing, most of the time growling. She's part monster - I am sure of it. The only time that awesome sleep schedule changed was during a very short-lived 4 month sleep regression at the beginning of her 4th month and last week when she woke up 3-4 times a night for no apparent reason other than being ravenous. It was like I couldn't get the boob to her face fast enough! She makes this begging sound when she knows I am going to nurse her... she starts to pull at my shirt and laugh/cries when it's time - almost like a panting dog when they're begging for a treat. Sheesh. 

This is real life people, I don't make this stuff up.

FAVORITE THINGS

London LOVES growling - I am not entirely sure where this came from. Some experts say that babies mock us and their surroundings while other doctors have said there's no evidence or truth to it. However, we think she's learned from her favorite member of this family when it comes to the growling sounds... the dog. She loves watching him walk around, he loves laying by her on the floor and she especially loves grabbing Luke by his ears and trying to eat his face while he licks her ENTIRE face, gross... right? She really enjoys her feet now and will pull her socks off and try to eat her toes.

 She loves when Daddy giggles with her and says "zoom-zoooooom-zoom" to attack her. She loves when big sister talks to her and plays with her on the floor to get her to roll around. She tries to grab everything out of your hands - like my moms hot coffee that she spilled everywhere on Mother's Day. Oops! She loves GiGi tickling her and making her giggle. She likes going for walks in the Tula and playing outside when it's nice out. Lastly, she LOVES her new bath. Bath time is fun now that she can share the big tub with Lennon and she grabs the toys and eats them. 

LEAST FAVORITE THINGS

There isn't much that London doesn't like... 

unless she's hungry or overtired. 

We are really blessed with a happy baby girl!

Happy five months baby girl!

London | 8 Weeks

London Marie is 8 weeks old today, where has the time gone? 

I'm emotional. I'm emotional about her growing up, I already can't remember what it was like holding a squishy newborn baby. In the beginning I wished for this day, the day that she was a little older, not waking up every two hours, not cluster feeding 24-7, etc. and now that it's here it's crazy how fast it came. I'm emotional because I'm thankful and grateful and so appreciative of what my hubs does for us. If I was still working I would be sending this sweet baby girl to day care every day for the last two weeks. I would be missing the snuggles at nap time, the sweet smiles during her happy time of day, the way she holds on to me while nursing, the coo's and giggles she's learning to do. I'm emotional because this very well could be my last baby, our last little bundle of squish. I am hanging onto every moment, every puke smelled shirt, every squishy cheek kiss, and every little whine and cry because I know it's for me. I love looking at her knowing we created this, we created a beautiful little girl and I love being her mom!

Okay, less emotional thought... Can I just say THANK GOD for sleep?! It's been great lately, knock on wood. London goes to bed around 9-10PM (still working on getting that earlier) and sleeps until around 4:30AM. Dream feed. Sleep until 8:30-9:00AM. Whew, mama needed some sleep this week and it's been working out well for me! Last night she slept for 9 hours!!!! 9 HOURS!!!!! & get this, she still took a great morning nap! I'm lucky! I am feeling so much more energized in the morning and well rested. I still need a ton of coffee in the morning to help me stay awake all day when Dan works these long hours but this is a step in the right direction. Let's hope and pray for everyone's sake that it stays this way! 

The last couple of weeks London has been more awake during the evening, more alert and happier. She's smiling and cooing, giggling when Lennon talks to her and calls her "honey bear" which has since become her little nickname and we adore it! 

We have been having a great week - I won a Tula... my dream giveaway, my dream baby carrier... a freakin' Tula and a Tula Blanket. Yes, I screamed like a child getting ice cream! Then in the same week I won some baby feeding accessories & my dear friend opened an Etsy shop with some adorable bandana bibs so I splurged and ordered 3 for London! They're cheap, adorable and that's a WIN WIN! Girls, boys, gender neutral... Check them out here - Tiny Champion

I had an amazing Monday this week when I scored this limited edition new diaper! As soon as I saw that it was a Beatles song I was determined that I had to buy it! Here's miss London in her new "All You Need Is Love" diaper"! It came just in time for Valentines Day! 

 I sit back and I watch my girls love each other more and more every day. I look at them and think, this is my life... and it will only get better from here. I may cry from exhaustion, scream in my head at the long days we have alone while Dan works but we are so in love with our little family that none of that seems to matter at the end of the day. I go to bed thanking God for all he's given us and continues to give, I pray for happier moments, shorter days alone, less crying, whining and more giggling, less arguing with my toddler and more talking, I pray for more nights with my husband that aren't consumed with work, and overall I pray for the health of my girls. I am learning as I go, no one wrote a book on how to be a mom, what to do when you're overwhelmed and exhausted and can't take a nap, no one guides you through this. I am getting better and stronger every day and I thank my friends and family for that. 

Happy 8 weeks baby girl! 

Here's My Heart

Today was rough and such a blessing all in one... 

We were up every two to three hours last night with London. Teething may have begun, she's fussier than normal, she's gnawing on everything and when she wakes she can't calm herself back to sleep. So it's mommy to the rescue every.single.time. Because... boob juice is magic. Duh. 

On top of a sleepless night we ran around like chickens with our heads cut off all day. We had plumbers come over and fix a pipe with the house which of course cut out more drywall in my main entry way... dust is everywhere! We took my car in to be fixed after I hit the garage door... oops! However, the good news is my car is all fixed up... and detailed inside! It rocks when you have a good Uncle that's the boss! (Thanks!) 

Then while Dan was gone and London was napping I was able to unwind, grab some tea and tackle some housework. 

That's when it hit me.

I was listening to a new album on iTunes and it hit me hard. I heard...

"I am found, I am Yours

I am loved, I'm made pure

I have life, I can breathe

I am healed, I am free

Here's my heart, Lord..."

and in that song I was so engaged... I was thinking about everything I do on a daily basis. Thinking about how I get so tired at the end of the day, I complain about the never ending dishes or laundry, the messes and the sleepless nights. I am a mom but some days that's all I feel like... But when I listened to that song I felt that everything I am doing is good and I'm doing what He wants me to do, what He thinks is the best thing for me to do. This life I live is the life I was meant to live. I'm alive. I'm pure. I'm loved and I'm someone's perfect creation. I am His. 

"You are strong, You are sure

You are life, You endure

You are good, always true

You are light breaking through."

I needed to feel that today as I was sitting on the basement floor drowning in laundry. Some days I use it as my outlet - I shut the door, turn on some music and drown out the screaming kids upstairs. 

Today I used it as a place to breathe, think, unwind and reflect. Chat with my best friend about the never ending life of a mom, reflect on me, my life as a mom, my life as a wife and as a child of God. It's easy to get lost in this world when you're a stay at home mom doing the same routine daily. I've been searching for the feeling I got today my whole life, this feeling of being His and feeling like I belong in this world and today I really felt it. It really hit me hard when I was listening to Lauren Diagle's new album. She knows exactly how to say the things I am feeling. 

As I looked around me I saw the piles of clothes and thought... I am alive, I am a mom and this is MY HEART. These clothes are here because of God, these little blessings we've created that God blessed us with are here because of GOD's work and His trust in me to be a good mother, a good teacher and compassionate loving wife. This is a result of God giving me life and a great heart. 

So here's my heart Lord... 

Speak what is true.

Tonight as I sat with my girls I kissed them both so much, told them how much I love them and thanked God for the life he's given us. Some days it's hard, and really challenging but we overcome, we endure because He is LOVE. 

The 4am Lesson

It's 4:23am and the baby monitor next to me is flashing, buzzing and I hear a whine begin to turn into a cry... I shut my eyes thinking... "not again, it will go away" just to be woken up by another loud cry. It's now 4:40am and I open my eyes again to the crying that's now loud and I realize she's not calming back down... and that I just slept for another 17 minutes (yay, me!) I force myself out of bed, pry my eyes open and tip toe into her room to scoop her up. She's wide eyed and as I pick her up she coo's at me, smiles and grabs onto the top of my shirt with two little fingers. As I am fumbling in the dark with my shirt, and grabbing a blanket to snuggle up with she starts this whimper, which is what we call the "boob cry", and it seems like I can't get to nursing her fast enough for her little rumbly belly. Nursing begins and she's a happy camper... closes her eyes, sighs and snuggles into me. The world is again perfect.

At the first sound of that cry in the middle of the night it's like hearing your alarm go off on a school day, like knowing you have to go to work on that bitter cold winter day and you're so cozy in your bed not wanting to move, or that Sunday morning when you're snuggled up with your husband and your toddler just wants cheerio's... and wants them NOW. You want to do anything and everything you can to stay in bed. I mean seriously, why haven't they invented a pump that reaches to the baby? or, even better... a mommy robot? A mom can dream, right?

Getting out of bed is the hardest part but once I am in my rocking chair, snuggled up and I can see... that's the realest struggle ever... I am happy once again. I am happy at 4am because I know she needs me and this won't last forever. I know that no matter how much I hate getting out of bed, moving away from my warm and cozy hubby snuggles and into a cold chair in her room it won't be this way forever. I may be going crazy on sleep deprivation, surviving on coffee and it may take me 17 minutes to realize I have to get up or my child will starve but I secretly love it. All moms secretly love it! 

I get to snuggle with her at her most innocent, peaceful time. She's quiet now, she's warm and snuggled up in my arms, she's dreaming... she's so beautiful. Her one hand us under my arm clinging to my shirt, her other hand is pinching the skin on my chest as she calms herself back down clinging on to me to make sure I am still there. I can grab her hand and she squeezes it so tight, I smell her fingers... coconut and lavender... I bend down and kiss her warm cheeks, her velvety soft skin, and smell her sweet baby smell. She's perfect. The crying matters, the screams from the unhappy baby were calling out for mommy, the inconsolable baby can be consoled... by mommy. She needs me, and I need the 4am snuggles. I need to be reminded that though the days are long and nights sometimes feel never-ending, those days do end and those nights get quieter. Those days turn into barbie play time, (yup... still surviving on coffee) and those nights turn into my little toddler saying "mommy you're holding me too tight", or "mom I want to go to bed by myself tonight". So, I cherish this time.

I will miss these 4am snuggles someday.

London | 4 Months

London is the happiest baby I have ever met (besides Lennon of course). But seriously, God blessed us with some great girls! Lately London has been discovering more and loving the world more every day. She's looking around more, following sounds and toys, grabbing things, laughing, giggling and kicking like crazy when she is excited about something.

FAVORITE THINGS

laughing, cooing, baths, playing with big sister, watching anything Lennon does... she always gets a huge smile on her face when she's watching her. OH, OH, OH, SHE LOVES THE BOTTLE NOW! Hooray, mama! My hard work paid off. London takes the bottle anytime usually if she's not mad first! She sucks it down and then demands nursing, of course but hey, it's a start and I am one happy mama! She loves when I say "mama-ma-ma-ma" hence the smile I got in the photo above, she loves when Luke licks her after I put coconut oil all over her, she is obsessed with Lennon more than anything and overall she's a total ham. Just look at these faces...

LEAST FAVORITE THINGS

Trying to roll over, getting stuck on her side or her belly, or when big sister pushes her over and she gets stuck. Yep, that happens a lot. Other than that, she loves everything about anything and is a happy, happy girl! 

Lately she's been waking up more in the middle of the night. What a huge change from last month when she was sleeping anywhere from 7-10 hours a night... Exhaustion for both of us has kicked in but I sneak in a nap with the girls when they nap and all is well with an extra cup of coffee later in the day. She's definitely hit the 4 month sleep regression phase, nursing more often, up more in the night and when she's up... SHE'S UP, wide awake! So, it's time for some more sleep training, some extra midnight snuggles and I have to say, even though it's exhausting I kind of love the extra snuggles and kissing her sweet head while she nurses back to sleep. PS - The truth is, I never thought I would LOVE breastfeeding. I mean, I thought it was going to suck, and some days it does don't get me wrong... but I really love it and I love the bond between us. 4 months going strong, I never thought I would make it this far and now I am so proud of myself I did! I am really excited to watch her grow and develop into her own little personality that is already so huge! She makes everyone laugh when she giggles, her smile lights up the room and her eyes are as bright as the blue sky. She really is our pride and joy and Lennon loves every minute of being a big sister... finally. :)

Happy 4 months little Lon.

XO.

Self Realization

Kaila and the really, really, terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day rough week. YES, I said week and YES I know it's only Tuesday. (FML)

Preface - London is three months old now and demanding even more attention  She's clingy, she's fussy when she's not being held, she plays for a bit then wants a change of scenery, etc. Baby life, ya know. Well, then Lennon is in this phase where she is desperate for our attention and there's just not enough time in the day to do everything we used to do together. We craft, we play games, we read, we watch TV together while London's nursing, but in her mind it's never enough.

So this week has been especially rough.

I've been so stressed out about my family, Dan is away on a business trip, and I am left here with the girls. It's really hard and the anxiety and stress of it all sucks, SUCKS, SUCKS, SUCKS. Mom truth - I yelled at Lennon today. I yelled at her to be quiet after asking her politely (what seemed to be) over 100 times. Then of course, my yelling is what actually woke London up not Lennon. Grr. So, I sent her to her room for a time out because of her lashing out at me. (Hypocritical, right? I suck at mom life). She came out and huffed and puffed at me, stomped her feet and told me I was mean. In my mad moment I looked at her and said "go to your room and don't ever come back out". I was crying after that. Crying because of exhaustion and frustration, mad and sad, and all in all just pissed that I am here alone doing the work of twenty. 

Raising two kids is tough! Most days leave me wondering if I am really cut out for this, and I don't really know if I was cut out for this job. Everyone says two is twenty and three is three... and after this I can tell ya, I am so done at two. In the moments where I am nursing London to sleep the house needs to be calm and quiet for the most part because she's becoming more and more distracted while she's nursing. I am feeling guilty of the times that I tell Lennon "five more minutes and I will play with you", then twenty go by and it's lunch time, half hour goes by and then it's time to do something else or by that time London is up. It's hard to keep track of the hours in the day when it's consumed with an infant tugging at your breast and a toddler tugging at your leg. Both, equally needing your undivided attention in that moment and both going to go bat shit crazy if you don't give it to them. 

Before baby #2, Lennon and I did everything together, 24.freakin.7. We played games, we took walks, we went to the park, the mall, the museum, the pool, Target, you name it... we did it. It was EASY, it was quick and most of all it was fun with her and I. You know, she talks and laughs and giggles and is potty trained, low maintenance and all around a great kid to hangout with... a baby, not so much. We laugh so hard together when I am present, when I am ME and when I am in a good mood... and I miss that. I need that back! 

This week I questioned myself a lot. I asked myself if I could do this anymore, be a mom? a stay at home mom of two? be a working mom? I don't know. Many times I have wanted to give up but I know that I can't. Tonight, Lennon reminded me of why I can't and why I am enough even in all of my craziness. Tonight I put London to bed, showered with Lennon and then laid with her to read books. She grabbed her favorite Dr. Seuss book and she insisted on reading it to me. SHE read ME a book! She knew the whole story with certainty, read it with excitement and giggled the entire time as the story is funny - DUH, it's Dr. Seuss. Every page, almost exact words she read with a smile on her face. The look in her eyes was priceless "Hop on Pop..." she goes on, she laughs and turns the next page with anticipation. When the book was over she screeched "Mom I did it, I really did it!!!" and gave me a high-five! I told her great job and said laughing, "Where did you learn to read all of that?" She giggled and said, almost sarcastically, "You, mom. I learned it from YOU because you always read it to me and I remembered". 

Cue the tears. 

So, tonight I cuddled, snuggled, kissed and prayed with my little Lennon and told her how proud of her I am and always will be. She shared stories about school and how her day went, how she loves to read and play and she's happy I can stay home. Tonight I realized that this is what I am supposed to do, I can do this and it's paying off. Tonight I regret my harsh words, my tone of voice and being so mean sometimes. In that moment tonight with her I was so proud of her, so happy for her and that.... that's what makes this whole mom life so freakin' worth it. 

I am enough. I can do this. 

My silly, giggly, fun loving threenager & I in life's laughable moments...

London | 3 Months

3 months have gone by already... I am so thankful that we are out of the "4th trimester" some call it, and we are both much happier on a daily basis! London is changing so much everyday, I just love it. FINALLY we are out of the newborn phase that's pretty much consisted of eat, sleep, poop, repeat every two hours non-stop. Thankfully, we were blessed with a good baby. She's been sleeping anywhere from 7-10 hours a night, waking once to eat and falls back asleep next to me. 

FAVORITE THINGS

smiling, giggling, trying to grab the butterfly on her play mat, bath time, talking back and forth with Lennon, when Lennon giggles at her she smiles, when Luke licks her (which is after every bath when coconut oil is applied!), nursing, being in her Tula, and most recently... being outside!

LEAST FAVORITE THINGS

bottles, pacifiers - anything that's not mamma, being set down, laying down on your chest where she can't see anything, being ignored. She's not spoiled people... we're calling it Diva status! We're working on it but apparently she's catching onto this princess gig big sister has going on. 

She's very photogenic, as you can see. We recently took Easter photos, (family, you're getting one in the mail soon), London laughed and giggled the entire time I said "Londdyyyy..." and shook a toy in her face, haha! She loves to be out and about which makes running errands with two a little easier. We love wearing her in the Tula, and going outside when it's nice out and of course, loves being naked in her cute little diapers and bows. 

Happy 3 months, little London.