I recently read a blog about raising STRONG girls & turning them into STRONG women.
... and then my weak side came out and I cried like a baby.
But, I realized I was being foolish and I asked myself
am I being weak or am I just that strong?
It all began just over 4 years ago at my ultrasound appointment when I was told that I was having a baby girl. At first I was in disbelief. I really wanted my first born to be a boy, I had a younger brother I adored, I loved everything about little boy clothes, and toys. So, I asked the technician to look again, sure enough it was a GIRL. Then, I cried tears of joy, and happiness, my mom cried, my friend cried. Women cried, together.
I was indeed going to have to raise a girl, as strong-willed, feisty and fun as me.
I thought (and I am certain my mom thought...) Ooooh, joy.
Finding out that I was having a girl changed my life. I was scared to be a mom, I was scared to raise a girl - knowing everrrrrything girls have to go through. I just knew the things she would face in her life - puberty, periods... ugh. but more importantly the equality issues, discrimination and, sexism. But, I wanted to raise a strong, God-fearing, nature & world loving, soul enriched, independent and fierce little girl and that's exactly what I said I would do.
As for me, I spent my entire life looking up to my mother, idolizing her. She was strong, fierce, independent - a badass really - she didn't take any crap, and when life knocked her down she got back up over and over and over.... and over again, it was a really rough few years at one point and all I witnessed her doing was learning, growing, staying strong and not letting anything get in her way of proving to us and the world that she could do it, with or without a man by her side. You see, I have always had women role models in my life that I wanted to be just like when I grew up. I've had my Great-Grandmother's, and my late Grandma who taught me to love others with passion and trust, to love God with all of my soul and to be a poised, well spoken woman. Oh, and to dress like Jackie O with modesty, simple beauty, and wear blush pink heels with anything (those were my favorite!) Then there's my Aunt, my god-mother, who's always been so dedicated, hardworking, passionate, seeks God in everything she does and lives life to the fullest. But, even with those role models that I truly, deeply loved, something inside of me wasn't right... I wasn't the woman they were. I wasn't becoming stronger.... or was I?
I was adapting to my environment.
I had a man in my life - who often wasn't - whom at a young age cheated, hurt others and lied. As time went on I found myself encompassing those behaviors. I was feeling less of myself as a woman because those behaviors were acceptable in someone else's eyes. I settled for people who mistreated me, I accepted being lied to, talked down to, pushed around. It's all I had known.... I wasn't proud of myself. I hadn't known better but I do now. Those moments taught me something, that I later realized was the best lesson I had ever learned.
I became a mother and I promised myself I would never, ever, let my daughter feel that way. I promised myself, God as my witness, that I would raise her to be strong, marry a man who respected me, wouldn't lie or hurt me, and who was everything that man in my life was not. For the longest time I resented that man in my life but today I thank him for teaching me how not to be... how not to let a man treat me and my daughters.
I am not a perfect mother but I am doing the best I can to raise my daughter's to be strong like my mother and I had to be.
Each choice we make in life, every breath we breathe as women, mothers and children matters. Because are impressionable. The world around us is throwing negativity, hatred, sexism and discrimination at us. The world around us is evil, scary and truly, so dark in some places. I want to teach my daughters to be the light in someones life, to uplift people, to teach others what to do and not tell them what to do, to provide comfort and compassion to others in everything they do and love, kindly, fiercely, strongly.
Someday, perhaps, my daughter's will be faced with the question, "how do I raise strong, confident girls?" I can only hope that they encompass the attributes that I have shown them, that my mother, my aunt, our grandmothers have shown all of us. I don't want my girl's to be assholes, I just want them to be strong-willed, with big personalities and not take any crap from anyone, ESPECIALLY A MAN, who tells them they can't. I want my girls to meet a man someday that encourages them to shine. I want him to uplift them, show them how much they matter, tell them how amazing, beautiful, intelligent, courageous and fun they are.
I want my daughter to wear red lipstick like it's going out of style and 5-inch heels to match - not because her husband likes it but because SHE likes it.
I want my daughter to walk into a room like she deserves to be there.
I want my daughter to know how to change a tire, a leaky toilet, and use every tool in her husbands tool box (it's a damn good empowering feeling!)
Then, I want my daughter to grab that power tool,
and own it by fixing everything in the house - by herself
(and that satisfaction is ahhh-mazing!)
I want my daughter to be strong enough to knock a man down if he ever hurts her
- and strong enough to build that man up when he needs her most.
I want my daughter to be a mama bear - protect herself, and her littles.
I want my daughter to LOVE God so strongly,
and pray daily for this life he's given her and those around her.
I want my daughter to be intelligent and be rewarded for it.
I want my daughter to ask for that raise if she deserves it.
...and hold her head high when it's denied.
Then, I want her to go back and ask again, ya know - politely but stern.
I want my daughter to prove someone wrong when they tell her she can't.
I want my daughter to walk tall, be empowered and stand up for what she believes in so fiercely that people will listen.
I want my daughter to dye her hair pink, get tattoos and listen to rock music
- if that's what sets her soul on fire.
I want my daughter to be a hairstylist
- if that's her passion.
... or a defense lawyer even though everyone says she's crazy for it.
I want my daughter to know when she's right
- and speak up if she is.
I want my daughter to kill them with kindness, love and, dignity.
I want my daughter to have a best friend like I have and a role model to look up to.
I want my daughter and I to be so close that we giggle like we do now when I am 40.
I don't want my daughter to feel smaller, less intelligent or less dignified.
I don't want my daughter to apologize for being
strong, courageous, fierce or strong-willed.
I don't want my daughter to feel any less of a woman.
I don't want them to adapt to their environment of hatred and rudeness.
I don't want them to apologize when they aren't wrong.
I don't want anyone telling her she can't... and if they do, they deal with this mama bear who is so fed up with men acting like sexist pigs, know it all's and encompassing this "better than you"-" ... I know everything"-attitude.
I don't EVER. EVER want to see them let a man knock them down, talk down to them or make them feel any less of a woman...
This is what a strong-willed, empowered, rant-loving, opinionated and badass woman looks like - and she's raising two more princess' just like it. Don't let their crowns fool ya.
Mama bear out, xo.
