5 Years Later

Meghan, 

It's been 5 years without you and I still feel like I lost you yesterday,

The pain is the same, the questions remain and I feel lost today.

You've reminded me of your presence and I can't help but laugh,

When you peek into my dreams and make me think of our past.

You're always around in the sun, sky and rain,

but no matter how beautiful the roses I still feel all the pain. 

Your memory remains vivid in my mind,

And though I am chasing my dreams, 

and making new friends... 

I feel like I am leaving something important behind.

I know you watch over us, and

I know you help me through tough times and tears.

But, it still hurts like hell and I don't know how I've made it through five years.

You were my sister, my soul mate, 

My breath of fresh air.

You were a pain in my butt, as I was yours... 

Roommates and friends,

Co workers and bar-goers.

We had it all even though short-lived,

We loved.

We dreamed. 

We traveled.

We lived.

I can't put into words how unreal it feels. Yesterday I was thinking about my best friend McKensey and how we talk every day. We talk about our babies, hubbies and house hunting adventures. We talk about recent Target and Babies R' Us shopping trips, walks outside and the weather but most importantly we talk about Meghan.. often. We talk about her and what she would be doing today, how much fun we would have all had together in Traverse City on our girls weekend getaway and how much wine we would have really drank if only Meghan was there... We talk about her laugh, her snorting when she laughed, her dumb yet seemingly funny jokes about cats (especially our cat O'Malley), and Borat. I think about her and talk about her as if she were still here. 

Yet, 5 years later I am thinking... HOLY SHIT, I miss my best friend.

You know, life these days true best friends are hard to come by. They come and go like women change their panties or if that's not often for some... like T.Swift changes boyfriends and to be honest, the good ones are really rare (again kind of like T.Swift and her songs) Meghan was a rare one. She cared about you whole heartedly. She told you straight up if you looked like a hot mess. She would make fun of you to your face, not behind your back. She would be there for a shoulder to cry on or cry with, and even bring a bottle of wine with her. She would be your partner in crime and then back you up in court. She was intelligent, kind but she was a bad ass. She was the kind of girl who rocked anything from Hollister Jeans to North Face jackets and made it all look good and of course I was always envious. She was also the kind of girl who knew what she wanted in life and made damn sure she got it. She was my role model and most importantly, one of my very best friends. 

Now as the years go on I am left with fading photos but everlasting, 

and amazing memories like the picture above. It was the very first photo we ever took together, randomly at the mall and she thought it was so cool that you could take photos in a photo booth. We both had a copy of this. Now this one is on my fridge and the other is with her, in her casket so she can always have it. 

I am left with dreams and thoughts of her in my daily life.

I listen to songs on the radio and think of her.

I go for a walk and think of her as I see puddles and worms that she hated so much at our apartment, I can't go to Pottery Barn without thinking of our shopping sprees and that chair we loved so much that her mom got us, the Coach store reminds me of the first birthday gift she ever bought for me, East Lansing reminds me of the first time I EVER tried Sushi and ever bought an MSU shirt... Why? because she told me I had to go to an MSU game with her. And we ended up having a blast that night in E.L! 

Jeeps remind me of the first time we drove off road and went "mudding" only to drive over a huge stump and we got so scared her parents would be mad at us!

Road trips remind me of driving straight through to TN and getting a ticket at 2am!

Outback reminds me of her and how much fun we had as co workers, and it's the first place we met. I feel like I could go on and on....

& on!

But, reality is... It's true. 

I could go on more about my best friends than any ex boyfriend I've ever had. I cherish the memories made with her and I miss her every single day. Not a day goes by that I don't think of what she would be doing today, where she would be, and who she would be married to or what her kids would look like. Where would she be working? ... Probably some law firm, environmental science place, or in school to be a doctor... she would totally do something crazy like that.

All I can do now is cherish every day like its my last in honor of her.

Kiss my daughter so much every single day because I never know what tomorrow holds, 

and tell my best friends I love them every single day.

Because let's face it... 

Meghan and I did.

Love you Meghan,

Hope you're enjoying Heaven.

You'll be remembered FOREVER! 

<3